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Name: Ria
B-day: September 5, 1988
Location: QC, Philippines
DevArt: nayomi-chan
Multiply: spacepiratesolstice

A Glance



- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
- happiness

lead you elsewhere

+devArt : nayomi-chan+
+Multiply: spacepiratesolstice+
+Multiply: Banana Colada+
+Holy Order: Forums+
+Rising Force: Forums+
+Deviant Art+

take my hand

Cai + Gela + Racine + Kari + Gretchen + Miranda + Berbi + Gab + Convi + Maku + Lei + Yeli + Carmi + Guia + Ginell + Jab + Amary + Zychez + John + Justin + RayRay + Rei + Mitch + Vox + Toni + Maru + Coco + Joseph + Clement + Rob + Mai

Look Back

+ March 2003 + + April 2003 + + May 2003 + + June 2003 + + July 2003 + + August 2003 + + September 2003 + + October 2003 + + November 2003 + + December 2003 + + January 2004 + + February 2004 + + March 2004 + + April 2004 + + May 2004 + + June 2004 + + July 2004 + + August 2004 + + September 2004 + + October 2004 + + November 2004 + + December 2004 + + January 2005 + + February 2005 + + March 2005 + + April 2005 + + May 2005 + + June 2005 + + July 2005 + + August 2005 + + September 2005 + + October 2005 + + November 2005 + + December 2005 + + January 2006 + + February 2006 + + March 2006 + + April 2006 + + May 2006 + + June 2006 + + July 2006 + + August 2006 + + September 2006 + + October 2006 + + November 2006 + + December 2006 + + January 2007 + + February 2007 + + March 2007 + + April 2007 + + May 2007 +


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Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I'm really bad at asking for help.
Listening to: Under my Umbrella ~ Incubus

February has ultimately been a bad month for me.

O God, please please please let March be a better month. Please? 28 days of crap is too much even for me.

If you don't want to read my emo post or rants then I suggest you go to a happier place or something.

I'm a wreck. I haven't been doing anything right for the past few days. I just want to crawl into a corner of my room and just sit there by myself until everything passes. The little bits of sanity that I have are steadily being lost to all the mood swings. Everything just adds to everything that's going wrong. One moment things are fine, the next I'm pulling my hair out of frustration, screaming in my head and crying in bed. It's so erratic it's insane.

I'm stressing myself over things which I have no control, and things that I do have control over but don't do anything about. It's so depressing when.. you think you're this kind of person.. a person who'd stand up for herself, a person who'll fight when she has to, a person who won't let herself be stepped on, a person who can say no, a person who isn't a push over.. then when a situation comes along, you find out that you're completely different from what you thought you were. It's so disappointing. You wonder where all your resolve has gone, just as the last bit of your self-esteem has completely left your body. And I worry for those around me. I stress over the decisions that only they can make. It scares me so much; the possibilities and the consequences.

Last night I dreamt that I was driving in an old, rickety maroon colored car down Commonwealth Avenue. The edges of the car were rusting, and it had no AC. So I was driving it with the windows down. I drove into an abandoned gas station, which was overlooking a large field. The sun was setting, and everything looked gold. For some reason, water was leaking from the roof of the gas station, and it dropped onto the hood of the car I was in, creating a steady beat. The next thing I knew, I was breaking into a library with a small group, sneaking into some sort of cult ritual taking place inside the library. I scaled one of the bookshelves (which enclosed the ritual taking place), and saw some sort of bonfire. The people in the group who were with me called me to come down, because books were falling and I was catching attention. The 'guards' of the cult saw me, and were coming towards the bookshelf. I started throwing books at them. I think I fell at one point, because I was suddenly inside the enclosure. Then I seriously started beating the crap out of everyone. It was like I suddenly had hero strength and I was disposing of all the nameless minions. I remember ripping out face piercings and punching people while I had rings on. They were all ganging up on me, and I was mercilessly clobbering them one by one, piling them into bloody heaps. I remember facing one guy who was crying, begging me not to hurt him. I punched him in the face as hard as I could. Then, I was in a hospital with my mom. We were there to get a checkup of some sort. It was work related. I was ushered into a 'room' with a curtain 'door'. I was forced to lie down on a examination bed. A woman came in, with a device in her hand. Apparently, she was an OB. She and the nurse started to force my legs apart. My mom was there, and she kept on telling me to do as the doctor told me to do. I fought. Then more and more people started coming into the room, and they started helping. The doctor started to bend down with the device in her hand, with all the people still there. I screamed and I yelled and I cried; I kicked and I lashed out and they held me down. Then I woke up.

If I could just turn myself off for a while.. hibernate or something.. that'd be nice. Usually I can take care of myself; I really can. But this month has just been too much.

{/9:42 PM} - { 4

4 Reflections

*hug* Take it easy, dear. You know how to reach us girls. :)

We need a sleepover. X3

By Blogger Gelabo, at 7:53 PM  


I share your prayers for better days this March. February didn't go well for me too.

Double sigh...

By Blogger Lei, at 9:24 AM  

mm.. i'll do everything i can

By Anonymous rinno, at 3:22 PM  

I second the sleepover!

...Pwede kaya 2 night sleepover? XD At different houses? We need to make up for lost time!

By Anonymous makee, at 9:51 PM  

Look into the Mirror?

I'm almost somewhere.