- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
Merry Christmas everyone! XD Don't forget the real meaning of Christmas~ Tell your loved ones you love them, be good and jump on New Year! But don't jump if you're already tall. Coz that's just mean to us short people. XD
Best Christmas Text came from Gela:
Me: Merry Christmas! I hope Santa will still visit us naughty girls. XD
Gela: Of course he will! And when he does, we'll seduce him, now won't we? XD
Province News Listening to: Cousins shouting and running and yelling and stuff. =P
Just a few days in the province and I've already lost track of what day it is. Only 2 more days 'til Christmas! =P Woo hoo. I miss the house already. And my friends. XD But anyway, I'm here, so I might as well make the most out of it.
For the past few days I've been so busy. T_T My cousins from Virginia (The ones I visited lsat summer) have come to attend the wedding of my aunt (which I'll be at too. I'll be the Chord bearer. O_o) I've gone fishing, to a wedding (to watch), to a reception (to eat), I've gotten home at 10pm, I've gotten up at 4am for Simbang Gabi which was not in the Gabi but rather in the Umaga, I've fallen asleep in the clothes I was wearing the whole day.. XD I guess that explains the headaches I've been getting lately. >_< I haven't gotten any decent sleep since I've gotten here. But if I'm lucky I'll get some tonight. I'm at my cousin's house and no one can bother me much here. XD
Anyway, I'm thankful for the people who have saved me from boredom so far! Mainly my two text mates, Matt and Miggy. Haha. So much for me attempting to save on my load. XD I've already reloaded my phone with 300. Hopefully I can make it reach 'till New Year.
A few days ago I opened up with my Mom. Well, not really opened up, but talked about my... 'love life' with her. Well, if you can call it a love life. *barf* Haha! Joke. =P But seriously, I talked with her. I guess it made me feel better about myself, but not so much the situation I'm in. Her advice was pretty good tho. I guess she'd know much about this since she had SO MANY BOYFRIENDS when she was my age. She was so bad. She even has a box filled with photos of them. XD I remember her sharing something about each pic, it was really fun learning about the guys who courted her. She had a penpal in the States, a drug lord/smuggler bf (OMG XD), a 15 year old bf when she was 19 who took a train from Manila to propose to her (O_o), a photographer bf (he had a box of pics of her, which he gave to her)... Considering what she's been thru, her advice should be ok for my situation.
For now, I'm keeping my mind open. My heart as well.
I Need to Sleep... Listening to: Lost Prophets ~ Last Train Home
You are now looking at the blog of a person who feels incredibly stupid. Prepare for an uber long post.
[Blog Session Starts: 1:50am]
We had our last exam today. English. It wasn't hard, really. Lots of people had a hard time with it, esp. this one part where you had to identify who said what, and why they said it. Everyone read summarized versions of the literature of what we took up, so not a lot of people knew the anwers. I was able to read parts of it, so I think I did decent on that part. During the exam, Ms. Toli said I was pretty. Haha. Anyway, after the exam, we had our Christmas Party. Well, it was supposed to be a Christmas party. But anyway, we had exchange gifts. I got a dog stuffed toy from Roxanne. I got quite a few gifts, and I feel really bad that I didn't get gifts for anyone besides my barkada. >_< Damn. Then we ate. But we ran out of food. Lol. So I just cleaned and went to the MMA to hang out with everyone else. We ate BTS. (Guess what BTS stands for? XP) Then Tepai came, and I got to read her comic. Haha, she really captured SHS. Cai, Racine and I are even in it. XD After that we went to Gela's house.. We bummed at their temporary house for about 6 hours while waiting for the driver to come from Laguna. We watched lots of flash movies like The Potter Song and Emmy's Christmas Gift. We also finished The Viridian Room at FASCO-CSC. Before we left for Eastwood, we had a really fun conf. with Kari and Alex.
Then we were at Eastwood. When we got there, there was barely any people. We decided to eat first, and we ate at this restaurant that combined Philippine food with Japanese food. It was quite different, but it tasted pretty good. After eating, we walked around. Cai and Racine went to PowerStation while Gela and I looked around for gifts for our parents. I was able to get another peridot colored necklace with a capis shell flower for my mom. I couldn't find anything for my dad tho. Just one gift cut my allowance in half tho. T_T Gela and I met up with Cai and Racine, and we played a few games. Just 2 actually; Beat Mania and Guitar Freaks. We went to the CD store afterwards, and Cai and I bought the pRO Juno Guidebook. (Bye bye allowance~) Then we went to Coffee Bean, and we stayed there for a while. Gela drank her drink, I drank Racine's drink, Cai read her guidebook, and I sucked on my Honey Stick. Went to the bookstore afterwards, and made Racine look around so we had an excuse to just sit on the sofa/couch. Then we moved out and went to People are People. I wanted to try on a Mini Skirt for the hell of it, but I decided not to. We sat outside and just talked for a while... and people spotted. Cai got a pic of me with the alligator/crocodile. Shortly after we got picked up and went home. I fell asleep on the way.
Haha, I guess that's why even if it's 2:20 am now, I'm not that sleepy.
Last night I took the Dante's Inferno test again. Just to study it a bit I guess. I was really surprised with what I got. No, not really surprised, but surprised at how much it changed from what I had taken before. I mean, wouldn't you be scared if you jumped from Limbo to the Malebolge? I would be. And I am.
It's amazing what you can find on the internet if you just know where to look. I'm not a stalker or anything, but I seem to stumble upon things that I'm not supposed to find. I think tho... that even if we do hide these sites and so on, we do want them to be found. (That's because I found one recently, haha) We link them inauspiciously; in profiles we forget about, in YM stats.. even google. I think while sometimes we advertise our sites and our blogs, we just want to know if anyone is interested. Interested in what we go through everyday, what we feel and what we think. Interested in who we are. Other times when we don't advertise them, we want to know if anyone will go the length to actually find it. I'd know, I've done it before. It's not hidden, it's just there; usually a small link in a long un-updated profile. Are you curious enough to click? In the end... it's a subtle way of saying:
"Look for me."
w00t. It's 3am now. I'm still listening to this song. It's stuck in me at the moment. And I just saved Ala Paredes' Blog in my favs.
She seems cool. And she's a Blogger girl too.
It sucks to feel lonely when you're surrounded by people. But it sucks even more to feel stupid when people care about you. Stupid in the sense that... you don't know what to do. Stupid in the sense that all of your reason and understanding has been twisted and mangled and mauled. Stupid.
I know what I want to get for Christmas!
Simply because my younger cousin has more clothes than I do. Plus, my friends have seen me in all of my clothes. I look at something and wonder: Didn't I just wear you? I don't remember the last time I went shopping for clothes. (._.) I also need a new wallet. But I already told Tristan to get me one.
I realized that the trade off I mentioned in my last post was a bit stupid. I'm here already. Thinking about back then may bring memories, but longing for it won't do me anything.
My mom and my dad fought the day after my mom mentioned the divorce thing. It left me really worried and sad. I know my parents are human. And sometimes they can't help but fight. It leaves my nerves a wreck. But I just have to roll with the punches.
FPJ died today. I dunno.. it's weird. I remember being so Anti-FPJ just a few months ago. Ranting everytime I saw something about the Opposition or anything about politics. And now.. he's dead. It's hard to imagine that a man you saw posted on walls, billboards, featured in commercials, sung about on the radio, is gone just like that. Makes you think. (You know, life, how fragile it is, where we all are going. The whole 'life' drill.)
Quite honestly, I feel bad about all the things I said about him when he was alive. Even though I know for a fact that not a single word I said reached him in any way. It's one thing to insult a person, it's another to insult someone when he's passed away already. But there's nothing more to be said really. Confusion. Let's leave it at that.
Anyway. We had our first day of exams today. CL, Teenstar and Physics. CL wasn't hard at all. Teenstar was a breeze, though at one point I got confused with the terminologies and some of the items about homosexuality. (Homosexuality is not irreversible because... Continue that sentence. XP) Physics is a different story. I think I got most of the questions. I know I totally bombed the problem solving though. T_T At least I was able to figure out the concept map. Semi sorta kinda figure out at least.
Then the 1st day ended. Cai, Racine and I talked with Mami Angie after our last exam, and we talked about guys. Oh maan. Haha, Lol. :P I left school at around 12pm, and went to Ever to get my Mom. We ate at Chow King, and I was able to get gifts for my friends. :) When my dad was off somewhere, my mom popped the question again:
What would you do if your dad and I divorced?
'I dunno.' Was all I could say. Thanks Mom for thinking that I'm mature enough to handle a question like that, but seriously, you don't have to tell me. What good will it do me anyway to think about it? None. So I dropped it.
Now I'm at home, in front of the PC, not studying for AP. n_n;
I got thinking again. I'm not the only person who's not used to people 'liking' them. I've gotten used to being translucent. My personality doesn't allow me to be completely transparent tho. So translucent; not ignored, not invisible, but not really noticed. So what happens when the spotlight is suddenly on you? It's nice to have someone thinking about you. To be able to comfort yourself with the idea that someone cares for you. It's nice, but I'm not used to it. :P I guess maybe that's the reason why I tend to push people away from me. The irony here is that inside, I do want someone who cares for me, but when someone does come along, I push them away. You know, friends? Why is that? Haha. Stupid. :P *toink*
I know why. It's because I'm scared. n_n; Wow. Me. Scared. There's something wrong here. :P It's like telling me that I'm sane.
Anyway, here's the trade-off I hinted in my entry title. My life has definitely changed since November. Mainly because of guys. I damn the opposite sex for locking a tornado in my heart. :P Here's the trade-off:
Would I trade the life I have now for the life I was having before?
Self+Insanity+Balance VS Guys+Confusion+Heart
(Heart will have to do, I can't think of an apporiate word. XD)
Frog Tatoos and Takas Sessions Listening to: Taking Back Sunday ~ This Photograph is Proof
Let's see. Went to a birtday party at The Fort today. O_o From 3-7 Jeth and I just bummed around. At least some of our neighbors where there. I got a Frog Tatoo there. Haha. :P It can last for a week if I take care of it. Jeth stole 3 jugs of coke after the party. XD Bad.
Takas session~ I'm on one at the moment. I should have been off an hour and 30 minutes ago.
Sometimes it's just so hard to explain. Sometimes you just can't. But sometimes you just do.
My heart has never been so confused. Sometimes my heart just starts to race and I feel elated, and I can only guess why. This feeling is like a drug. I think if I have too much, I'll die from an overdose. XD
W00t! New bg. :3
A lot has happened in the past week. Quick rundown:
Went out to the Discov meeting in Katipunan. I didn't go to church like Racine. O_o I hope I don't go to Hell. Anyway, we hung out at Mcdo, and we got quite a lot finished. Ate at KFC with Cai, Racine, Miggy and John. Bought magnets for our investi that didn't even work. XD Rode with Miggy to Cai's house.
Music and Health long quiz. I aced the Health quiz, but bombed the Music quiz. XD Got our grad pics. :P
Last outreach to CIW. I still pray for Amy Burgos. Had games and kwentuhan and stuff.. I hope they get out soon. Also had our defense for our Physics Investigatory proj. We did pretty decently, and passed with an 83.
I went to a wedding today. I had to wake up at 6 just to get ready. T_T We left at 7:30, and the mass ended at 10:30 or so. (I didn't even get to eat breakfast! D:) Afterwards, we went to the Reception, which lasted 'til 2:30. All we did was eat. We were only half way through the appetizers when I got full. XD We left the New World Renaissance Hotel at 2:45, but got home at around 3:30. I got ready for the Kundirana Concert, and got to school at about 4:45 or so. I stayed with Camilla while waiting for everyone else. Bought a SHS visor. :P Met up with Sunny first, then Gretchen. Then Camilla and I went out to the screening gate to wait for the Discov people (which turned out to be facis) and for Racine. Haha, we messed around while we were out. XD We met up with the Discov peeps first, and went in just in time to catch the Ecosong. :D Go Ecosong-ers! For the first part of the concert, I stayed with Gretch and Sunny. Glee club roxxors. XD Then before the Kundirana performed, there was a 10 min. break. So I went to check on the Discov people. Alexis gave me a gift! :P Thanks! :3 Then I went out with Miggy to find Cai. I met Lorenz. Geez. He's tall. @_@ Then we went back in to watch the Kundirana. I stayed with Miggy, and Alexis, JR and Eloi wouldn't stop teasing us. Gaaaah. Anywho. Gela and Kari dragged us (Cai and I + Miggy and Lorenz) out and we attempted to play Uno. Lmao. We just shuffled the deck, because no one could remember how to play Uno. XD Then the concert ended, and we all hung out at one of the Kubos. We moved to the Podium, and chased, poked, teased, and took pics of each other. Alexis got 2 stolen pics of me. O_o You stalker. Theeeeen. Gela took me home because dad was too lazy to pick me up. n_n; We took Gab home, and sang the themes of Teletubbies, Sesame Street, and Barney along the way. Gab does a mean Barney impersonation. XD We also sand 'The Song that Never Ends' while crossing Commonwealth. XD Then. I was home. :P
Pheew. Happy. I'm glad it went well. :P Kundi bois are pretty cute. XD
Watch where you Step Listening to: Greenday ~ Holiday
School was cancelled as early as 6am today because of the super typhoon Yoyong. Suprisingly, it hasn't rained all day. Nothing more than a drizzle. I'm guessing that the typhoon will hit us later in the afternoon, and to lower the amount of people who'll get stranded, they cancelled classes. Mom's in the province, and she text me this morning telling me that it's stormy there and that they've lost electricity. I hope they stay safe there.
Anway. I've been a scramble of emotions lately. From smart ass to giddy to confused to frustrated. Like right now I'm frustrated because of Destiny cable, who's service has been sucking eggs lately. Plus I can't seem to restore our backed up files. Dammit. Moving on.
I'm sure you've experienced just being fine with yourself; at peace, if you will. You're not looking for anything, you're just fine. Then the next thing you know, you're in a flurry of emotions because of someone or something, or maybe even some people or some things. It's like walking down a smooth path and suddenly falling into a ditch you didn't see.
I'm currently stuck in this ditch.
No, it's not a bad thing. (Not yet, at least) I guess you could say that I'm still dazed, still blinking and still trying to register what had just happened. I mean, you're walking, probably even whistling along the way, and the next thing you know you're sitting in a ditch.
Where am I?
What am I doing in a ditch?
How the hell did I get into this ditch?? @_@
It's funny and annoying how it's when you least expect it that something BIG happens to you. And me...
I can't help but feel like my something is too big for me to handle.