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JE ME SUIS

Name: Ria
B-day: September 5, 1988
Location: QC, Philippines
DevArt: nayomi-chan
Multiply: spacepiratesolstice



A Glance

BUTTONS






WISHFUL

- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- VINTAGE
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE
- an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
- happiness


lead you elsewhere

+devArt : nayomi-chan+
+Multiply: spacepiratesolstice+
+Multiply: Banana Colada+
+
+Holy Order: Forums+
+Rising Force: Forums+
+
+Wikipedia+
+Deviant Art+
+4chan+
+iichan+

take my hand

Cai + Gela + Racine + Kari + Gretchen + Miranda + Berbi + Gab + Convi + Maku + Lei + Yeli + Carmi + Guia + Ginell + Jab + Amary + Zychez + John + Justin + RayRay + Rei + Mitch + Vox + Toni + Maru + Coco + Joseph + Clement + Rob + Mai

Look Back

+ March 2003 + + April 2003 + + May 2003 + + June 2003 + + July 2003 + + August 2003 + + September 2003 + + October 2003 + + November 2003 + + December 2003 + + January 2004 + + February 2004 + + March 2004 + + April 2004 + + May 2004 + + June 2004 + + July 2004 + + August 2004 + + September 2004 + + October 2004 + + November 2004 + + December 2004 + + January 2005 + + February 2005 + + March 2005 + + April 2005 + + May 2005 + + June 2005 + + July 2005 + + August 2005 + + September 2005 + + October 2005 + + November 2005 + + December 2005 + + January 2006 + + February 2006 + + March 2006 + + April 2006 + + May 2006 + + June 2006 + + July 2006 + + August 2006 + + September 2006 + + October 2006 + + November 2006 + + December 2006 + + January 2007 + + February 2007 + + March 2007 + + April 2007 + + May 2007 +

credits

Creative Commons License

Content belongs to me.

Designed by: {/lisee:D
x x



Friday, April 29, 2005
A Broken Sonnet
Listening to: Broken Sonnet ~ Hale

Have you ever heard a song... that makes your heart stop? That just gives you that weird feeling in your gut; and makes you weak? I found a song that does that to me. XP And it's weird, because I used to see it ALL the time in Yeli's stat, but I never really took the time to hear it. Until now. And crap. I just let it play over and over again. [This is what I do when I like a song; ginagasgas ko sa Winamp. XD] And everytime, I get this weird feeling. Everytime.

Oh God. Someone save me.

Since my last post, I've been up and down again. It's like my head is in the clouds, but my feet are on the ground. Elated, but depressed? Is that possible? O_o I have no idea, but that's the best way I can describe how I feel right now. I am truly confused beyond comprehension. The past few days have been filled with surprises, especially yesterday. I did things I didn't think I could do. I did things I wonder if I should have done. I found out things that left me a bit speechless. No, more than a bit. It left me speechless. I always wondered about it, but I never thought it could be true, but lo and behold? Woah. Just. Woah. Surprise, Ria!

Things have been happening in-game. That's why I've been staying up so late. Until what... 5 am? I don't plan on doing that tonight tho. No, not tonight. A proposal, a realization, a revalation, a confession. Who would have thought this could all happen through a game? That you become connected to people through pixels and internet connections? That in some way, these people would become like your family? That they'd trust you enough to share their deepest secrets, their worst problems, their heart's desires? You meet people in the weirdest ways.

I wonder if... I'm asking for trouble with what I'm doing? Of course, only 3 people know what I'm talking about. Maybe 4 if I think I know what happened tonight while I wasn't in-game. And only 1 reads this blog. I know one of my closest friends doesn't want me to. [I know you don't want me to, even though you didn't say a word about your opinion. =P] I understand him. But he said he would let me make my own decision. Thanks.

I just don't know how I manage to get myself into these things. And I wonder if, even after all I've been through, have I learned anything? Have I changed in any way? I think I'm still a scared little girl.

----------------------------

Post a Secret
This, has got to be, one of the most moving websites I have ever seen. Some are funny, some are smart, some are moving. One day, I'll see my own postcard there.


{/11:13 PM} - { 5 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Buhay Baboy! XP
Listening to: Chiksilog ~ Kamikazee

XP I like this song. It's hilarious, and catchy too. :D

Buhay baboy! No, not really. :P I don't just eat and sleep. Since mom went to the province, I became the maid in our house. So I fix dad's bed, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, etc. I'm the quality inspector. XD

So anyway... I'm such a lazy arse for not posting for the past week. O_o And a lot of stuff happened too. Rewind~

Wendesday:
Got into a fight with my parents. =/ I didn't talk with them in a proper manner for...4 days?

Thrusday:
Misadventures with Coco while enrolling at UST. XD Damn, we were in lines ALL DAY. And it was horrendously hot. Saw a lot of Holy peeps there tho, like Yeli, Mary, Iori, Banny... Yeah. Coco and I were given fliers for the Yellow Jackets, the pep squad. O_o Um, no thanks. XD My sched is really... stable. I don't know how else to describe it. XD Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 7am-11am. Thrusday, 8:30am-1pm. Tuesday, 8:30am-3pm. No Pinoi subjects either! X3 When I got home, Tristan and Pocholo were already there. We played the PS2 [Legendary Swordsman Musashi! His voice sucks, I swear. XP], some RO and Gunbound. I let Tristan play my avatar on GB for a while, but I shoved him off when he started saying uber stupid stuff. >_> Trash talker!

Friday:
Tristan, Cholo, Jeth and I went to Ever to buy some PS2 games. Bummed at home. At night, I went out with my girls to Eastwood, where we watched 'The Wedding Date'. Kinda cliche [it was based on a book], but it was ok. There were a lot of funny parts though. And a sex scene! O: LOL.

Saturday:
Went to Greenhills. BORING. The three bois ditched me after my dental appointment, so I was left to roam GH by myself [again.] Blah. I was groped by a 5 year old boy! D: Kept myself busy with texting the guys at Greenbelt about how the EB was going. We soon met up with Auntie Nickel and Uncle Aldo [Tris and Cholo's parents]. Auntie Nickel is sooo preggy. XP I can't believe she's having another boy. XD So all in all, they are 4 brothers. O_o I hurt my knuckle when Uncle was teaching me how to punch. XD I accidentally punched his watch instead of his palm. D:

Sunday:
Auntie and Uncle [with Tris and Cholo] left to go back to Iriga, and mom went with them. So we just bummed around at home. :P

Monday:
Bummed at home. XP Kari text me telling me she was at Ever, so I went there and we hung out there with Ate Sunny. Talked mostly, and ended up in Mocha Blends. Mish you Kari! <3 Talked about a lot of stuff. Keep that promise dear! ;) PLEASE. D:

Tuesday:
Last day of my Informatics class. w00t! Finished my course in Adobe Photoshop. I know how to animate using Imageready now. XD

Today:
I woke up at noon today. >_< Naman. Then Dad and I went to SM North. Dad had to pick up a drawing we had framed, and I just walked around. By myself. ._. I don't like being stalked at malls. >_< Esp. by a group of bois obviously younger than you. But anyway, I bought the Rok On CD. It's not that bad; there are only 6 songs, but at least it comes with an installer CD. XP I also got a gift for my Mom for Mother's Day. Haha, advanced! It's a glass picture frame, stained glass-ish with cute designs. :P Now all I need is a picture. :D

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey



{/3:49 PM} - { 4 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Monday, April 25, 2005
I am a Lazy Arse. XD
Listening to: Yellowcard ~ Only One

Because I have been so dang lazy in updating my blog, I will post a long post... tomorrow. Well, today. Later, actually. XD I'm not going to be doing anything today, so I'll post when I wake up. :P For now, here's my Googlism which I stole from my darling Guia. Lol, *ish poked by Guia* XDD You're innocent? If you're innocent, I'm going to become a nun! XDDD

You know, I actually kinda envy you right now. O_o I mean, you've gotten a lot of things done already. And your wishlist is crossed out! XP I complain that I'm bored. A LOT. But seriously, I could be doing a lot more productive stuff.. like drawing the two Kiribans I owe.. or finishing my piece for the RO art contest.. or practicing playing my guitar. D: Getting off the computer is actually the first step for doing other things for people like us, who are horribly addicted to the internet. O_o I'm glad you're getting down to cutting down on your softness. XDD *huggles you* I know you can do it. :D But remember, I'LL STILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS OR HOW YOU LOOK! <3333333

Yay. I need to sleep. So here's the Googlism list so I can hit the hay.
Btw, some of them don't make any sense. The others make complete sense. XDD

--------------------

Googlism for: ria

-ria is back
-ria is de afgelopen week begonnen met een nieuw
-ria is 1/2 mile on left
-ria is the premier provider of advanced research
-ria is a business unit
-ria is joining in the un
-ria is then placed in the house libraries when the regulation or legislation is presented to parliament
-ria is a policy tool which assesses the impact
-ria is the only trade group in north america organized specifically to serve the robotics industry
-ria is in the backgound
-ria is
-ria is a natural extension
-ria is a research center of the university at buffalo
-ria is a national leader in the study of alcohol and substance abuse prevention
-ria is to provide guidance and share information with related industry association to ensure the highest possible level of service
-ria is looking through a magazine making a shopping list
-ria is cleaning up after breakfast to jazz on the radio and dances with russell and adam
-ria is a typical hotel bar
-ria is necessary
-ria is a decision tool
-ria is a nasd broker dealer they will have their own rules and guidelines
-ria is violating the law when they give advice on securities? your
-ria is a great example
-ria is a great example how companies can use webex and save money and improve communications in every department
-ria is a brand
-ria is a very temperamental girl
-ria is still an important shipping area
-ria is a
-ria is entering its second year as co
-ria is so important in policy decision
-ria is at annex b
-ria is a short
-ria is a very robust method
-ria is currently in progress at argonne
-ria is envisioned to be able to deliver 100 kw beams to 2 or more targets simultaneously
-ria is also handling other artists' contracts including peggy melati's
-ria is taken from a monorail which lartigue built at ria and which i've modelled a couple of times in the past
-ria is a classy act and is destined for megastardom
-ria is ofa good for hips and elbows
-ria is a policy tool which assesses the impact in terms of costs
-ria is getting very seductive [Yes, I am, aren't I? XDD]
-ria is a large resort hotel on the coast of sabah in borneo
-ria is gevestigd in het tweede kantoorgebouw aan de linkerkant
-ria is one of 13 channels in measat broadcast's astro favorites bouquet
-ria is a natural
-ria is in the same neighbourhood with the commonwealth games village
-ria is a document produced by a government department or agency
-ria is hiermee de medische fout bevestigd
-ria is leading the effort to bring these advanced techniques to the medical -community in the denver metropolitan area
-ria is een onafhankelijke inspectie die rechtstreeks onder de staatssecretaris van cultuur ressorteert en als formele taak heeft 'het toezien op de naleving
-ria is content until her world all comes crashing down with the discovery of danny's affair with a woman only 8 years older than their
-ria is one of the key tools for that
-ria is an agreement between a dapa holder and medical activity members of a tricare region
-ria is determined to provide our members with the highest quality of financial services
-ria is going to run a hedge fund and trade commodity futures
-ria is the first course of two at the complex
-ria is anchored at different sites in the cell
-ria is a devotion to wealth
-ria is a person or entity that has registered as an investment adviser under either federal or state law
-ria is no less her child because she dint give her birth infact she has had more time with ria than anand
-ria is a truly lovely golden
-ria is a mixed breed beagle/blue heeler
-ria is ziek
-ria is the customer
-ria is eindelijk eens voor de camera's gaan staan en heeft zich een hele dag laten kieken
-ria is prepared when a regulation is introduced or reviewed
-ria is signed by the accountable minister and placed in the house libraries when the regulation/ legislation is presented to parliament
-ria is een mooie
-ria is interested in organizations that go beyond charity and work with their clients to help them regain the self
-ria is the premier provider of technology and information to tax professionals in accounting firms and
-ria is protecting the health of people
-ria is a concept seen as essential to continued scientific research into the basic questions about the origin of the elements and how stars explode
-ria is er in belangrijke mate verantwoordelijk voor geweest dat schizofrenie weer op de ggz
-ria is to be operationally ready in the event of mobilization
-ria is a member of the marwell art society
-ria is a membership
-ria is rather exotic looking
-ria is basically a headstrong loner
-ria is a new york
-ria is the task of the governement but also the interest in ria is at the parliamentary level


{/2:59 AM} - { 1 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Friday, April 22, 2005
Choices
Listening to: Chiksilog

I've never felt self-destructive before. I guess there's a first for everything.

I want to get out of this house. Not like gimmik or anything. I mean, literally, get out of this house. Like crash someone's place for a week or something. My family and I... we're not getting along that well right now. They're coming off as hypocrits for me, and I am becoming a rebellious, disrespectful, sarcastic bitch. [Pardon the profanity.]

Don't you hate it when people make you choose between two things you can't choose between? They put you on a spot by going 'So who will it be?' It's like those stupid reality tv shows like 'The Bachelor'. I really don't like shows like that.. I've had to put up with an experience like this before, and I hated it with all my heart. Now it's happening again. This time it's my parents, and I have to choose between my friends. 'Ria, it's either you go with these people or you go with these people.' Honestly, that's not fair. My girls and I are going out tonight.. I haven't seen them in a long while, and we barely get to talk much. Tomorrow is the gathering of an online community I'm part of, and I haven't seen them since November of last year. Of course, I'm literally dying to see them. But no, I have to choose. It's not a matter of being indecisive. It's the fact that they're making me choose. It's like, one of those questions where two people very important to you are going to die *knocks on wood* but you can only save one, who would you pick? Of course, you're going to try and save the both of them.

This summer, so far, has been.. crazy. Ups and downs. Like the needle on a Ritcher Scale during an earthquake. One moment you're high, high up in the sky. The next thing you know, you're crashing down, down into the ground.

Off to Eastwood I go. I'll post later.


{/4:34 PM} - { 2 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Tuesday, April 19, 2005
To Hide
Listening to: Ayumi Hamasaki ~ Evolution

Ok.. I plan on sleeping before 12 tonight. My puyatan nights have caught up, and damn I'm tired right now. But so many people are chatting wif me and I can't get my entry done. Arrrrrgh. Konti nlng.. XD

Today... regular day. Woke up late [Considering I stayed up late the previous night] and went to my Photoshop class at Informatics at 12. Learned animation in ImageReady. :D Then a sudden wave of uneasyiness came over me. >_< I was restless and lightheaded and I couldn't breathe. Blah. Ate at McDo with Mom, and had some mis-adventures in the undergarments section of Ever Department Store. :P [Remembers her very unforgetable conversation she had with Cai, Ja, Joyce and especially Reg] I cooked dinner for tonight. Menudo. :P Yay.

Mom wants to take me to the province on the 24th. ._. I don't want to go.

Crap, my mind is going blank already. ._.

Woah, we have a Pope, ladies and gents. O_o Gretchen just IMed me about it. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, from Germany, is now the 265th Pope, now known as Pope Benedict the XVI. W00t. I hope all goes well while he is Pope.

---------------------------

Hide \Hide\, v. i.
To lie concealed; to keep one's self out of view; to be
withdrawn from sight or observation.
[1913 Webster]

Yeah, I've been hiding. From lots of people. You could say I'm cowardly. I guess I'm afraid that things might get worse than they were. And. I don't know where to start from here. It's an awkward situation that I didn't want to face, but I have to. And I will.

No more hiding. Throw your worse, but I'll do my best to stay here.


{/10:11 PM} - { 3 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Monday, April 18, 2005
Detour
Listening to: Yellowcard ~ Firewater

Ack. I feel hungry. I need to get more sleep. I need to get off this computer. [MIRACLE!] I. Need. To. Get. Out. Of. This. House. I NEED A LIFE! Crap, I need to do a lot of stuff, now don't I? =/

Not much has been happening. Friday we went to Rockwell to watch Sahara. Saturday we bummed at home. Sunday we went to Megamall and I hung out with Jab there. Haha, Ice Monster. XD I got myself another frog thing! <3 Ish a fuzzy frog picture frame from Blue Magic. Geez, Megamall is soooo big. O_o And walking can be dang tiring too. When I got home, *BLAG* I was asleep. XD

Today I went to UST to confirm my slot. I'm officially going to be a Thomacian. For now, maybe. :P I'm in section 1AS1 along with Coco, and we're going back there on the 21st to enroll.

Mm. What else? I don't know how, but Mike convinced me to join in the next RO Art contest. n_n; I've already got my concept worked out though, and the deadline is in June, so I have a lot of time to work on it. Don't know if I can pull it off still. =/

I totally sympathize with Racine in her post about blogging. Sometimes I have thoughts that I want to put down somewhere, but don't put on my blog. Because I worry of what my readers would think of me. =/ But that's the point of blogging, isn't it? It's your blog, it's your material. Whatever you post is yours, and if readers don't like it, they have to option to not return. Of course, I don't want to do that either. n_n; I guess it's all about knowing what to post and how to post it. I think that somethings are better left unposted tho. XD

The girls are planning to go to Eastwood on Friday. Hopefully it'll push through and I can go with them. I miss them so. T_T Then on saturday there's going to be an EB at Greenbelt. It's doubtful that I'll be allowed to go, but I have to so I can save my reputation by preventing a certain CD with a certain recording from being released. >_< Also so I can kick those two dorks in the bum. >:D

detour
n : a roundabout road (especially one that is used temporarily
while a main route is blocked)

There must be a reason why God sent me to UST instead of Ateneo. Yeah, I'm over my last post already. It took me a few days but, I'm ok now. Sorry if I suddenly disappeared then. I have a tendency to do that, I know. There's something instore for me at UST, and I guess I'm going to find out what that is. :P My goal will be getting into the Ateneo, [for revenge? Hmmm. Maybe. XD] but there is more than one way to get there. ;) May it be through UST, DLSU or by force. XD Damn, the thought of it makes me hyper. And I'm very determined. :D Lots of people are cheering me on. Don't want to let them down. [Again.] Rar, bite me ADMU. >:F

Plus, I have a promise to keep wif my little bro. *winkwink* [WEH, special mention! As if you'd read this, lmao. :P] Gusto ko Liwanag sa Dilim, and nothing else! XD And I will attack you when I see you. >:D Bwahahaha. XD

Rise
Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not
in never falling, but in rising everytime we
fall." by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strength can only be
seen when a person has "fallen". Only
then one can tell how they will handle it. Just
don't make others fall so you can know who they
really are. You on the other hand may be a very
quick recoverer and don't let people bring you
down. You are your own, and you're fine with
that. Emotional issues is something you handle
rather nicely.


What wise quote fits you?
brought to you by Quizilla


{/11:59 PM} - { 2 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Friday, April 15, 2005
Disappointment
Listening to:

"May I have your name again please?"

"Ria. Ria Rigoroso."

"Alright, one moment please."

There was silence. I held my breath as I heard the man on the other line ruffle through some papers.

"Ria?"

"Yes?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry, but your name isn't here on the list of those who have been accepted."

"...Oh. Haha. I see. Thank you."

As I hung up, I couldn't bring myself to look at my mom who was sitting across the table from me.

"You didn't make it, did you?"

I could see her face in my mind. Disappointment? Sadness? Most likely both. I put my face in my hands. After calming down, I asked her where we were going out to.

"Rockwell."

"Oh ok. Haha. Sahara?"

"Yeah."

A pause. I then said.

"There are still two days left."

"..."

"I'm going upstairs for a bit."

"Ok."

Then I cried.


{/6:15 PM} - { 7 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Thursday, April 14, 2005
Fight
Listening to: TLC ~ Damaged

You know what? BSB IS BACK! <3333333 *squeeeeeeeeeeal* Ok. Tama na. XD Jackie kc..

I've been more productive lately. I finished coloring Cai's drawing, which you can see here. [XD Advertise~] I also just finished another drawing of mine that I've been meaning to color for a long time now. That, you can see here.

Played another clicking game with Gretchen. XD It's the one that she posted on her blog, The Doors. Dear, I play those things ALL THE TIME, so it's natural that I'm pretty good at them. :P

There are a lot of things I've been avoiding and passing off. Like posting the pics from my Subic trip. But there are more important things I've been keeping my distance from. It's not that I'm reluctant, it's just... I don't know how. Of course, that last sentence didn't make sense, so I'll stop here.

----------------------------

Fight \Fight\, v. t.
- To act in opposition to anything; to struggle against; to
contend; to strive; to make resistance.
[1913 Webster]

I've decided to fight. [Convi :P] Yeah well, if there's anything for me to fight. Thanks to all for the encouraging words, and the prayers as well. I hope I'm not too late. >_<

Tomorrow [erm, today] I'm going to call Ateneo and go there, I guess. I'm going to clear things up. Maybe charm my way in? ;;) Maybe seduce too. LOL. XD Basta, I'm not going to let myself lose that slot just like that. Oh God, you know I want this.

*sigh* Even with that said, if I don't get it, I don't. It may disappoint my parents and depress me, but if it's not meant to be, then it isn't.

ATENEO! YOU HAVE 3 DAYS LEFT! XD Or else you're going to lose me to UST! >:(


I am a d20


You are the large, round, friendly d20! (You probably didn't know this, but the shape of the twenty-sided die is called an Icosahedron.) You are the friendly, outgoing, outspoken, leader of friends. You are often looked up to, even though you don't normally deserve it. Most other types secretly wish they were you, and you'd give them tips on how, if only you had a clue yourself. Your charisma is often all you need, but you have your occasional moments of brilliance as well--just never when it's actually needed. You are the all-around good guy, a dependable chum, a respectable foe, and an inspiration to those who need one. Who says you can't get by on a smile and good looks alone?

Take the quiz at dicepool.com



{/11:59 PM} - { 4 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Despair
Listening to: Fiona Apple ~ Across the Universe

The last post was kinda deep, wasn't it? Thoughts like that happen all the time, but only sometimes are they ever written down. Thanks to all who commented. :) Feedback really does help a lot at times.

Guia:
-I didn't mean to start the 'Kill your Xanga' movement. n_n; It was just getting tedious posting on my Xanga. Yeah, I know I'll be fine. I always end up fine. :P Btw, patok talaga ung text mo kaninang umaga. XD

Gretchen:
-Puzzle Pirates? Tempting.. XD You're using my sudden interest in pirates against me! Bleh. :P Nah, I'm trying to keep myself from DLing stuff until I figure out what's keeping it from running some of my programs. :)

Lei:
-Was it really? :P I'm used to typing really long entries, that's why they come out so neat. Before I had trouble staying on one topic while posting. XD Yar, I still have to post my pictures, don't I? Buy a new digicam, if you can't get yours fixed!

Mai:
-Damn, it's at times like these that I really miss hugs at school. D: Actually, it happens to me a lot. I'm the kind of person who likes to look through photo albums. :P Pictures. I have a boxed filled with pictures I've taken. I don't cry a lot... just teary eyed. XD

Anonymous
-Like I said, I wasn't crying because I was sad. It's like eating a really wonderful piece of candy. But you can only have this piece of candy once. So while you're eating it, you try to make it last as long as possible, cherishing every moment, every piece as it melts in your mouth. Then when it's gone, it's gone. And even though you enjoyed it so much, you're sad because you know you'll never have a piece of candy like that ever again. Of course, I know that I should be grateful that I have memories that I cherish, and I am, but even so, it still evicts a sad feeling from me. I am but one grain of sand in Time's hourglass. I don't think I'm that special to have that honor. :P

------------------------------

Anyway... on to my post.

Not much has been happening. I played Badminton with my aunt and my mom on monday, and until now some parts of my body are still sore. I don't know why a lot of people like playing Badminton. I'm not saying that it's not fun or anything, I just wonder why.

Yesterday I had my Informatics class. Informatics is really... unorganized. I started my classes WMF, 9am-12pm. Then it became TTH. THEN it changed from 9-12 to 12-3. I hope the sched doesn't change again. It's really hard to plan, especially with my parents.

Yesterday I also had the weirdest chat. Well, weird and slightly interesting. I was PMed by someone I don't know on YM. He called me Ms. Mysterious. Uh, ok. That was my first thought. But I entertained his greeting with a hello, and we got to chatting. He was surprised by what I had put in my Yahoo Profile. To him, it seemed a little 'deep' for a 16 year old girl to be talking about living life and spreading peace and love. Is that deep? Anyway, he's 26, [LIKE MIKE! Joke. :P Mike's 25. Turning 26. XD] an Indian studying in Singapore, currently here for a break. Slowly the conversation went on to how to cool one's self in this hot country. I told him malls were the best, and he said I was crazy. O_o I guess he had something else in mind. XD Then I mentioned showers, and we had the weirdest conversation about his experience in a public bath here in the Philippines. :O It wasn't disgusting or anything. It was actually quite funny. Haha, it was really just a casual conversation, even if the topic was kinda weird. Afterwards, he told me that chatting with me was relaxing. Me? Relaxing? That's kinda.. new. ;)

Today, went to SM North. Walked around by myself again, as usual. I didn't run into anyone tho. National was renovated, and actually organized. But you know, it's hard to look for a book for one's self if you don't have a title in mind. It's even harder to look for a book for someone else. ._. I found one, 'Hope for the Butterflies', but I don't know if it's appropriate. =/ I need to buy two books for two people, and I don't know what to buy. D:

I'm getting off topic. Let's go back to the main reason why I'm blogging tonight.

despair
n 1: a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out
badly

4 days 'till the 18th. I hate countdowns. Why am I counting down? Because of this:

LAST NAME: Rigoroso
FIRST NAME: Ria
MIDDLE NAME: Turiano
STATUS: Waitlisted
COURSE:

That's why. And my main feeling? You guessed it. Despair. My mom was the first to tell me that she thought I wouldn't get into The Ateneo. And as much as I hate, despise, abhor..! I'm starting to think the same way. Still no call, and only 4 days left. Of course, I'm still holding on to the smallest ray of hope. I'm holding out 'till the 18th itself if I have to.

If I don't find out before the 18th.. I'm going to UST. It's not like UST is bad or anything. My course is decent. The school seems ok. It's just... why not Ateneo? It's like.. my friends are going to their dream schools, except for me. [I'm sorry guys. >_<][And Cai, you have the talent test, and your talent is unquestionable.]

Before, I blamed myself for not passing the ACET. If I had just been smart enough to pass the ACET, I wouldn't be in this mess, I told myself. But what's done is done, so I let it go. Then I tried to blame Ateneo. If I don't have a recommendation letter, does that mean I'm not going to get in? I have no connections what-so-ever, so I have no strings to pull, nor any favors to ask. I realized I was being illogical, so I stopped before I really did start blaming them. I wanted someone to blame. I might still want someone to blame. But I'm tired of blaming. Tired of ranting.

Now all I have is 99% Despair and 1% Hope.


{/11:59 PM} - { 9 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Monday, April 11, 2005
Nostalgia
Listening to: Electric Fan

I was reading people's blogs, and I think I started the 'Kill your Xanga and move to another Blogging host' movement. O_o

Anyway...

I hope you're ready for a long post.

Subic Trip

Day One

Like I said on my last post, we went to Subic for 2 days. We left at 7 in the morning, and got there at around 11 to noon. The North Luzon Expressway aka the NLEX is way more maintained than it's sister highway. Anyway, we went to our hotel, the Subic International Hotel and unpacked our things. [I brought my turtle stuffed toy. O_o I couldn't help it. Its just so adorable. @_@] We went straight to the beach, and Jeth, being overly excited, wanted to drive. But lo and behold, he got flagged down for going 74kph on a 60kph road. >_> We also found out that his licence has been expired since 3 years ago. O_o So now Jeth has no licence. So anyway, we went on to the beach. We passed Dungaree, the beach we went to the last time we were there, and went to All Hands instead. It was kinda crowded, but it was ok. I was able to collect some shells, but nothing fantastic. I found a starfish, but it turns out it was still alive [so I couldn't take it. n_n;] so I took it out to sea away from the shore. I also managed to get a slight sunburn on my shoulders and on meh nose. D: But they're ok now.

After eating lunch at the beach, we went back to the hotel to rest up a bit. I was so tired, but my family and I managed to pull ourselves out of the hotel yet again to go shopping [wheeeeeee] at Royal Duty Free. We bought a butt load of chocolate. <3 And food that Jeth and I haven't seen in ages. We bought this huge jar of Skippy peanut butter. XD Plus, I was able to get myself another shirt. It suddenly hit me that I was actually starting to look female. O_o The obsurdity of the thought literally made me go "O_o". So after that we went back to the hotel and pigged out on a huge bag of chips and a can of cheese dip. XD We finished both. Jeth kept on talking about how we were like in a dorm, so we had to act like we were dorming. Which we did, actually. We were pigging out, sleeping, leaving stuff all over the place. But of course, we fixed it up afterwards. Since you can't exactly call a bag of chips dinner, we went to a small cafe, because all of the other restaurants there were empty. O_o I guess it's because it wasn't a weekend. Dad ordered a breakfast meal, Mom a salad, Jeth coleslaw[sp?] and me a green mango shake. We drove around again, and found out that there was a concert being held. It was a Praise concert, held by the YFC or CFC, I think. It was exclusive though, so only YFC and CFC members were allowed in. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and slept.

Day Two

On the second day, we went to Ocean Adventure!! Yeah. You're probably thinking that it's a place for kids and stuff, but I honestly don't care. XD I had fun, surprisingly. There was a Sea Lion Show, a Whale Show, an Aquarium, and lots of other things. At one part we were just waiting for the next show, when two mascots came out. I turned around and OMG! HUGE TURTLE!! @_@ Yes, I was very overwhelmed. And I have pictures wif them too. <3 I walked around by myself too, between the shows. The place itself isn't actually that big, so you can cover all of it if you know where you're going. I watched the dolphins. I thought about how dolphins are almost like humans; communication, family, social structure. Even to the points of suicide and sex. Did you know that dolphins are the only animals, besides humans, that have sex for pleasure? XD Yeah, I'm getting off topic now. But seeing them in their pens, even if they are well taken care of, made me feel... sad. Yeah, my Environmentalist side is kicking in. I went to check the Sea Lion pen, and it kinda made me more depressed. The pen was small, dirty, and way out of site. The one Sea Lion taking its turn in the pool just kept on swimming in circles because the space was so small. :( Soon we were to leave. But we got ourselves shirts. Yes, you guessed it, I got myself another shirt. :P It has turtles on it. <3

So after that, we went back to the hotel to rest up again. After a few hours, we went to the other duty free shop there, the Freeport Exchange, and went grocery shopping there. Jeth bought the cheesecake mix that he used to make when we were in Japan. Mmm. Cheesecakes. After that, we went to Pancake House for dinner. We walked around Subic afterwards, through the park, near a beach, by hotels, and ended up in a bar. Dad, Mom and Jeth had alcoholic drinks, while I had a green mango shake. [See a pattern here?] Mom's margarita was... well, unusual. It has thinly shaved ice piled on the glass, and she carved it into a shark with her spoon. O_o After a few drinks, we went back to the hotel. While my family snoozed, I watched Pope John Paul the II's funeral on TV. Did I mention that the TV in our room only had 4 channels? XD But it's not like we cared, we weren't in the hotel room much anyway. Finally, I fell asleep.

Day Three

I was literally dragged out of bed to go swimming AGAIN. In my mind I was mumbling all sorts of incoherent thoughts, but in the end I really had no choice. We went to the hotel's pool, which I bet used to be the public pool when Subic was still a base. But surprisingly, it was ok. The water turned out to be warm. O_o And it was deep, so it was decent afterall. It made my sunburn a bit worse then. n_n; After swimming, we checked out of the hotel, and decided to look for our old house. After driving for a few minutes, we found it. 13 years. Damn, that is a long time, isn't it? As I stood there I couldn't believe that I once lived there. 13 years makes it seem so distant, yet there you are, right in front of it. The infamous hole in the ground was still there, but now patched up. I saw the small hill where I went speeding down on a trike to slam into a wall. O_o I saw the inside of our small house. I realized that everything seems so big when you're a kid.

After that, we went off to look for Jeth's old school, Kalayaan Elementary School. It looked the same since last time, but it was now a High School, and it was in ruins. It looked abandoned, but it was still operational. Windows were missing, junk was piled everywhere, doors were sealed shut with 'Secured' stickers that had been ripped through. The playground was a sad site. I personally love playgrounds; even if I'm 16, I always enjoy swings, monkey bars and the like. [I'm never going to grow up, I know.] But the playground was totally trashed. Pillars that once stood were on the ground, a new nest for termites. The metal support for the swings was there, but the swings themselves were nowhere to be seen. O_o Jeth went kinda crazy for a while, and I guess I can't blame him. If the same had happened to Sullivans, I'd go ballistic too. It's like, sacrilidge to one's memories.

Finally, we left the school. Had lunch at Pancake house, and went on our way home.


Now that that's over with, let's get back to the title of my post.


nostalgia \nos*tal"gi*a\, n. [NL., fr. Gr. ? a return home + ?
pain.]
-A sentimental yearning to return to an earlier time
remembered as happier or more pleasant, or a former place
evoking happy memories; a longing to experience again a
former happy time

The overall trip made me feel very nostalgic.

Driving through Subic, my dad showed us what used to be what; what this building was before; what used to be standing on this spot. I can't share those memories, because I have a very annoying and selective memory. I can only remember weird tidbits of when I was very young. But looking at Dad, I could see him reliving what used to be. I know that even though he's retired and 'relaxed', he still misses the Navy. I miss the Navy, and I was never in it. O_o

You can't go back. You can't turn back time, even if you submerge yourself in the past. Time moves. Life moves. Even if you don't want it to. I always want to be able to remember. I'll admit it, I'm a sentimental person. As much as possible, I never want to forget anything that happens to me, because that's what makes me who I am. It's one of the main reasons why I keep this blog; to be able to look back. Like I said earlier, one can't go back in time. Things change. But I guess I want to contradict myself by being able to somehow relive memories, like my dad.

Everything moves, and as much as you want to stay in one spot forever, just stay like this in a moment of exhileration, despair, or whatever you may be feeling, you'll move as well. Trying to stay is like standing against a tidal wave, but in reality the movements are small, like the sand that rolls slowly up and down the shore with the water.

It's normal to cry when you think about the past, right? Because that's what I'm doing now, at 5 in the morning. n_n; [Yes, my time stamp lies yet again.] I'm not crying because I'm sad, nor am I crying because I remember the sad things in my life. I guess I'm crying because I feel that I'm letting go of my memories, which I know, isn't true. It's like what I told Jab. The only place left to go is forward. And then, I remember a line from a Linkin Park song, which goes somewhere along the lines of, I don't want to move forward so I don't have a past.

I'm rambling. When I think about these things, I think about how the people I know are doing. So tell me, so I can stop thinking;

How are you doing?


{/11:59 AM} - { 7 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Escape
Listening to: Lost Prophets ~ Last Train Home

I had my first classes in Informatics at Ever today. It was an intro to Adobe, and I was a bad student because I kept on doing things other than listen to our teacher. XD But after my class, I got picked up by Gela and we were off to UP to meet up with Cai, Racine and Maku. We dropped off at Abelardo Hall, where Gela and I felt stupid. XD Feeling out of place, we stood in the shade of a large tree, next to the road. We joked around about some really stupid stuff. n_n; Finally, the three arrived, and we were off to Katipunan to meet up with Berbi and Convi for lunch. We walked, then took a taxi, and got off at Ken Afford. Walked again 'till Write Place, passing Dunkin Doughnuts. XD Then we decided not to walk anymore and told Berbi and Convi to meet up with us instead. After a looooooong time of thinking of where to eat, we eventually found ourselves at Pizza Hut. D dropped by, and gave us girls a CD each, with a letter. Our bill reached 1k! LOL. Damn hungreh people. XD We walked yet again, and stayed at Seattle's Best where we drew, played with the lamps [Psychic lamps! Someone, think of clapping! XD], talked about old video games and TV shows. Gela and Berbi had a paper throwing fight. O_o Maku told me how I could fix my YM, and I think it worked, since I'm using the newest one now. I hope it still works after I restart this thing. n_n; Convi soon left, and we followed suit. Then we found ourselves at 7-11. I was a victim of Cai's splash damage attack on Berbi. D: We talked about bots on pRO too, as well as Speed Hacks and duplications. Amf. Haha. Gela got a call. *winkwink* Congratz to you dear! Sana ako rin! XD Then Gela, Cai, Berbi and I left, leaving Racine and Maku together. We were amazed [yet again] by the light with a sensor. XD Dropped Cai off at her house, then Berbi at Ever, and I at home. And that was that. :D

Tomorrow[Today, I mean.] I leave for Subic. We're staying there for 2 days, I think. Fun in the sun, here I come? :P Nah. Oh well, it's an escape I've been waiting for. The last time I went to Subic was when Auntie Jing-Jing was still alive. Still, we had a lot of fun. I still remember a lot of weird things that happened to us there. XD [Like the corned beef we couldn't eat for breakfast, because water leaked from the ceiling into the frying pan when someone upstairs flushed the toilet. XD Or rolling down the stairs for fun.] Memories are memories, no matter how demented they may be.

w00t. Beach. Time for me to feed my sudden interest in pirates, mermaids and the 18th century. And maybe collect seashells and go to Duty Free as well. :P

'til then.


{/11:59 AM} - { 1 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Summer Blues
Listening to: Finch ~ Letters to you

It's been a while since I posted. Gah, I'm hungry.

The Pope passed away while I was typing my last entry. That's kinda freaky. He was a good man, or at least I'd like to believe that he was. May he rest in peace.

Yesterday I reserved a slot in UST. Everything went ok; I had to pay 5k because I didn't bring my original Report card tho. The last day of my enrolment is April 18. Then you know what happened? When I got home, I FINALLY got my acknowledgement letter from Ateneo. March 17 was the date on the letter. Frick. BUT. They won't be making any decisions on appeals until AFTER APRIL 18. Ok. If these schools aren't in cahoots, then UST is just being a biyatch. D: DAMN! I mean, come ON! You don't HAVE to make the AGONY of waiting for my results in Ateneo any WORSE by making it possible that I lose my slot in UST. I've already sent a letter to the OAA of Ateneo [e-mail this time, taking no chances with snail mail.], and it's been forwarded. If things don't work out... I'm totally screwed.

Today I went to SM North with my parents. And, you guessed it, I walked around the mall by myself. It's not fun being followed by a group of HS bois. >_< But eventually things would turn out well. I chanced upon Spyk, or he chanced upon me, whichever. Anyway, I met Spyk, Racine's brother. Soon, Carl, Cai's brother. I wasn't able to meet up with her though, because I got lost and I couldn't find where to meet here. I did a little shopping with my mom after she checked out Moisannite(sp?) rings for my Lola. Bought a shirt at Artworks, which I'm going to wear tomorrow when I go out with my friends to UP, then Katips. I also bought myself my first stuffed toy turtle. <3 After that, we went home.

Anyway, we got home, and I got the laundry in. We officially adopted cats AGAIN. A mother and her kitten. After that, mom told me to water the roses with fish blood. Then, just as I finish watering the last rose, someone calls my name. I turn around, and there's Matt, standing outside our front gate. Thank God I was wearing decent house clothes. But seriously, the situation was hilarious, now that I think about it. There I was; sleeveless green shirt, short shorts, and sandals, with a tupperware of fish blood and guts in my hand. Honestly, I couldn't have looked anymore unglamourous. Ok, so moving on. I mumbled 'Oh my God.' and told him to wait for a moment. Went in, told my mom, then went up to change. Made sure to wash my hands very well too, lol. He gave me some things, then we went out to the front porch, since he was going somewhere afterwards. Have you watched 'Love Actually'? I have. I watched it with my friends when I slept over at Gela's a long time ago. Anyway, Matt did the placards thing from the movie. With a discman instead of a radio. After that he left. Almost left me with the discman, lol.

Shoot, I forgot to take my meds. >_<

Soooooooo. Here I am. Jab told me he'd be ok. He promised he wouldn't get drunk tonight like he did the two nights before. And Mike seemed a bit... off. Well, that's what I noticed. I think I made him remember something from his past, but I'm not sure. =/

Guys... I've been harsh. But you've got to understand. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I need my space. I'll always care, but as a friend.

I have classes today, and it's 4am already. Great.


{/11:59 AM} - { 2 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Saturday, April 02, 2005
Spiders...Attack!
Listening to: Yellowcard ~ Firewater

The house is being infested with BIG spiders. >_< Ack, I'll die if I see one anywhere NEAR my room. X_x

Today was... boring. And quite unproductive. I woke up pretty late since I didn't sleep last night [like what I'm doing now. Great.] then I went with my mom to Ever. I wore my new shirt that reminds me of Carmi because it has a dead fish on it. XD I mean, a fishbone. ;;) There's a 3 day sale going on there, and I saw bikes being sold. I suddnly have the urge to go bike. O_o Anyway, bummed at Ever. Free AC. :P I stayed in Netopia, and accidentally skipped lunch. Went home, and used the PC even more. Forums, flash games, blog hopping, you name it, I did it.

Eventually I came across a riddle page on a forum I frequent.

Not Pron

Yeah, I'm into these things. Reminds me of MOTAS. XD But this riddle is quite hard. D: I tried solving it with Gela, and we got up to the 8th stage. I got Mike to try it, and we got up to the 12th stage. Then I got up to the 13th stage before I stopped. O_o You really have to search for the answers on this one. XD It's fun if you've got nothing better to do. Like me. :D I heard that there are 107 levels all in all tho. O_O Homayghad. Good luck. n_n; Took a break and took a shower. Matt called me on my cell and we talked for a while. He explained some things, but was still vague about a lot of things though. =/

Played RO with Mike and Leng. :P Memories. XD Haha. I actually got to talk with them about something that was bothering me, without blundering into a senseless rant. Some of my feelings actually made sense for once. I don't know if I can follow their advice though. These two are kinda... dangerous [XD] in a way I'm not. I was supposed to play all night with Mike, but his PC crashed. He gave me a ring [Surprise! :O], and his voice was lower than I expected. O_o But then again, the last time I heard his voice was... six months ago. Plus, I had just gotten off the phone with someone who's turning 18, and Mike is turning... 26? XD I'm turning 17, so that's a gap of 9 years! Lol. But we're still close friends. That rocks. :P

YES! I HAVE A NEW WALLET! XD Dad just gave me one, lol. But's not girly. It's acutally a guy's wallet, I think. It's brown. And it's Guess. But what the hell, it's a wallet, and any wallet is better than my old one. XD Damn, I really have a lot of pics in my wallet. O_o

Pope John Paul II is dying. I never thought I'd live through the death and election of a Pope. Nonetheless, I pray for his peaceful passing. Also, Terri Shaivo [sp?] died a few days ago. She was the woman who had her feeding tube removed by the Supreme court and thus died from starvation. Thing is, she was brain dead for quite a long time. O_o In issues such as these, it's extremely hard for me to have an opinion. It's like what Mrs. Benitez told us. There is only right and wrong, white or black. There is no gray. Things can't be half-right or half-wrong, half-true or half-false. *sigh* =/

Woah. Got a text from Jab, and it's... 4am? He's not ok. Shoot.

Berbi has been posting some interesting topics in his LJ. I wonder if what I blog everyday is kinda shallow? Somehow I feel that I should start posting my opinion as much as I narrate.


{/11:59 PM} - { 2 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Friday, April 01, 2005
April Fool's
Listening to: AC

Shoot, I really have to start sleeping before 2am. ._.

Anyway... After waking up at 9, my family and I went to Greenhills. Everyone in the house forgot that there was no water today, so we had to... improvise. n_n; Dad actually took a shower outside. Haha. Having no water really does suck.

Went to Greenhills, walked around by myself again. n_n;; Walking around a mall by yourself can also suck. But I saw some pretty cool stuff being sold. There were a few stalls selling vintage stuff, and it was nice too look at them. There were old car plates, pocket watches, candle holders, bottles, jewelry, vinyl records, comics, paintings, books, dolls, money, and so much more. I actually found a book about Einstein's Theory of Relativity in Spanish. O_o Eventually I got really bored. I don't like walking around malls by myself.

Had lunch at SuperBowl, then went to the dentist. Now my teeth are killing me. n_n; If anything happens to me anytime soon, it's my dentist's fault. XD On my way to the dentist (who is also in Greenhills) my dad and I passed one of the buildings being worked on. One of the workers called out to me. O_o Tumingin naman ako. Rar. XD But it was funny because he yelled out, "Ang ganda nyo po!" Yuck, feeling. Haha. :P I also got around to texting Jab. He was the first to greet me April Fool's. Zirk was the second. :P Anyway, I text Jab for a while. We talked about how crappy life can be, lol. I hope things go well for him tho.

Then I got to go shopping with mom. 'Twas really fun. I went to Greenhills in a yellow tank top, grey jacket, pants and rubber shoes, and went home in a completely differnet outfit. XD Mom bought me a really nice skirt, but it's really long. O_o Then Miggy called me on my cellphone and it turned out he was on his way home from Galle. We met up and he gave me forms for an activity that our Discov batch will be joining in. I miss my Discov mates. D:

After that, went home. Played RO with Tristan for a while. He's finally a rogue. XD *Go Rogues* I saw Rensaku online, and thought Mike was playing, but it turned out it was Terachi borrowing his account. Was feeling ok until I was suddenly hit with a bad feeling in my gut. >_< I slept it off a bit and now I'm up at 5am. n_n; Bleh, I think I have insomnia. Even Maku thinks I'm an addict. O_o

My Hives are back. They're everywhere. >_< My parents said that they'd take me to the doctor, but I don't know when. =/ I might have to take the blasted allergy test. D: What's wrong with my body kc?! T_T

Besides that... I'm not going to DLSU if I don't make it into Ateneo. *prays to God that she gets accepted into Ateneo* I STILL don't have the acknowledgement letter from Ateneo, which states that they received my letter of appeal. D: I called last month, and they said that they got it tho. >_< GAAAAAAAAH. I can't put into words how badly I want to get into Ateneo. ;_; Anyway, I'm not going to DLSU anymore. My parents don't think I'll be able to keep my course there (BS Com Sci) since it's all math. They don't want to pay for it if I'm just going to flunk it. n_n; So I'll be going to UST instead. Gah, uniforms. But if I go to UST, I'll be taking up Asian Studies, and Coco will be my classmate. :P Kita-kits on monday, huh? n_n;

I've been very unoriginal lately. I copied Gela and made a collage of the Grad Ball. But mine is uber long. XD Don't kill me if it takes forever. XD I also have pics of me and Mai, but I'll post those some other time. :P

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


{/11:59 PM} - { 1 }
I'm almost somewhere.