- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
Productivity? Listening to: Misfits ~ Third Eye Blind
Hm. >_> There really shouldn't be any school tomorrow.
I think my CL teacher has some sort of grudge against me. O_o She gives me evil looks, and always looks over my shoulder, like the devil is suddenly going to spawn from me or something. I really would care less, but she's my class adviser.. >_>
Gah. I know I promised myself I'd make this year count, blah blah blah. But you know me. It's back to my old tactics. n_n;; Gaaaaah. I suck. =P
I keep on Running Away Listening to: Rage Against the Machine ~ Killing in the Name of
I'm so stupid. Everytime someone trys to get close, I put up a front. I step away. I run. It's so stupid.. In my mind I'm so liberal and 'free'. What the hell am I thinking?? I'm just full of hot air! Once I step out into the real world, lo and behold. I freeze. Nothing is real. I'm such a coward!
I'm like a Mime. I've put myself inside an invisible box. But I can't get out.
And the Music Played... Listening to: Faster ~ Third Eye Blind
I have music again. n_n I really need to buy their album. Also Portishead. *nod*
I just finished .hack//SIGN today. I was thinking. What if later on ni the future, 'The World' really came to be? Or at least something like it? Not necessarily with evil entities and wishes and hacking, but more of a completely 3D MMORPG. Of course I'd play it (or at least try to); there's no question. I was wondering tho if I'd actually lose myself to it. I wouldn't be surprised.
Online personas are like second lives. That's what I think. I mean, when I go online, I can be a completely different person. I have different friends, different opinions, different attitudes. There's me, and there's online me. I love going online. I'm part of many online communities, forums, sites, and I've met so many nice people through this. But I've also met my own share of arses. That doesn't hold me back tho. It's like, going online is like an RPG game. Going out, meeting people, interacting. You can be any hero you want. You can be you, you can be typical, you can be neutral, you can be misunderstood, you can be plain ebiiil. Maybe it's this about the internet that has me so drawn to it: Being an unmasked (yet masked) person you can't (or plain aren't) be in real life. I admit, I do not have a nice, thriving social life. I keep in touch with more people who live in different countries than I do in my own. Honestly, I feel so spaced from the people in my own country than with those elsewhere. Yeah, it worries me like hell, and it's horrible when I know nothing about those close to me. I feel so.. different. And I space myself from others because I feel so close, yet so far. Physically, I'm here, but socially, I'm somewhere else. It's stupid, now that I think about it. Sometimes, you just want someone to talk to, but you don't know who.
We had our first class of sex education today. The akwardness. We're not allowed to talk about abortion, contraceptives, rape, ect ect ect tho. We have to look at it from a Christian point of view. It's not that I oppose this way of seeing things, but it's sort of like sheilding us from the truth? I think I expected it to be more liberal.
Lately, when I get home, I feel like I've been completely trampled underfoot. I've been filled with thoughts that run thru my mind at blinding speed. It's crazy. I think I'm going crazy.
I saw a woman this afternoon. She was walking down the street naked. As the car sped by, my heart. It twisted. It moaned and creaked. I didn't dare to look back. Someone please just stab me repeatedly! Stab me in the back and leave me to die.
I hate how so many things can make me feel bad about myself.
So many things make me feel so frustrated. Sometimes up to the point where I can't stand it at all! My mind goes into ultra frustrated mode, and I go crazy! I just have to get away, just get away, but I end up in my room where I push the frustration down, and I go back. I never ever get rid of it, I just stuff it under my bed. I can never get rid of it. It's always there.