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JE ME SUIS

Name: Ria
B-day: September 5, 1988
Location: QC, Philippines
DevArt: nayomi-chan
Multiply: spacepiratesolstice



A Glance

BUTTONS






WISHFUL

- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- VINTAGE
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE
- an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
- happiness


lead you elsewhere

+devArt : nayomi-chan+
+Multiply: spacepiratesolstice+
+Multiply: Banana Colada+
+
+Holy Order: Forums+
+Rising Force: Forums+
+
+Wikipedia+
+Deviant Art+
+4chan+
+iichan+

take my hand

Cai + Gela + Racine + Kari + Gretchen + Miranda + Berbi + Gab + Convi + Maku + Lei + Yeli + Carmi + Guia + Ginell + Jab + Amary + Zychez + John + Justin + RayRay + Rei + Mitch + Vox + Toni + Maru + Coco + Joseph + Clement + Rob + Mai

Look Back

+ March 2003 + + April 2003 + + May 2003 + + June 2003 + + July 2003 + + August 2003 + + September 2003 + + October 2003 + + November 2003 + + December 2003 + + January 2004 + + February 2004 + + March 2004 + + April 2004 + + May 2004 + + June 2004 + + July 2004 + + August 2004 + + September 2004 + + October 2004 + + November 2004 + + December 2004 + + January 2005 + + February 2005 + + March 2005 + + April 2005 + + May 2005 + + June 2005 + + July 2005 + + August 2005 + + September 2005 + + October 2005 + + November 2005 + + December 2005 + + January 2006 + + February 2006 + + March 2006 + + April 2006 + + May 2006 + + June 2006 + + July 2006 + + August 2006 + + September 2006 + + October 2006 + + November 2006 + + December 2006 + + January 2007 + + February 2007 + + March 2007 + + April 2007 + + May 2007 +

credits

Creative Commons License

Content belongs to me.

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Friday, January 28, 2005
Outbound Education!
Listening to: LAUNCHCASTRadio

I got to Shell at around 5, and we climbed ontu the bus. Ms. Alberto was there, and so was Ms. Toli, who we later learned as at Shell at as early as 4 or so. :O We didn’t really leave on schedule, because as usual, there were late comers. Guia, Mary, Reg and Bea didn’t come with us tho. >_<

*(L to R) Ms. Toli, Kuya OJ, Kuya Alex*
We got to visit one of their churches before we joined our other batchmates. Instead of a priest, they have a priestess. Coolness. XD

*Makaryo Sakay Plaque thingie*
So we walked a bit, and the hiking began. Oh man, can anyone say moss laden rocks? It was quite a trip upwards. *Hiking up! D:* Then we ended up at this shed, and we had to take our shoes and socks off. I noticed a hole at one side of the shed, and I looked down it. *Husgado Exit* And lo and behold, Gretchen popped out! XD Turns out it was the exit of the Husgado cave, where we were going. So we had to hike down barefoot to the entrance of Husgado. It’s said that if you can get through the cave without a scratch, then seven years of your sins will be forgiven. It sounds easy, but the cave was tiny. As in, you literally had to crawl through it. :P Luckily, there were candles, but still I sometimes lost my way. So I asked one of the guides in the small cave, “Erm, where’s the path?” and then he’d point to this tiny hole and say “There.” And I’d be like “…There?” XD Gawd, that was fun.

So after Husgado we had to climb up this mountain like hill to Kalbaryo. *White Dots = Batchmates* I think it was 2.7 km above sea level. :O Man. What a hike. Was worth it tho. Half way tho we met up with Cai, who was having an asthma attack. >_< *Halfway Rest* We pushed on though, and we finally reached the top. We ate lunch under the cross there, and it started to rain. They say that it was a blessing. I loved the rain.
*Lunch at Kalbaryo*
*The View*
*The View 2*

We started downwards after that. We sang songs of the 90’s on the way. :P We reached a new location, which symbolized a gate where pilgrims entered to get to the sacred place of Mt. Banahaw. We continued on to a new place, this time it was a flat rock that looked like a log book. Supposedly, you write the names of those you love, and they will go to heaven. I wrote a lot. Haha. :P I also saw a rock with something nice written on it. *The Truth*

Then! Salvation! We finally reached the spring. But we had to walk down these extremely steep stairs. *Staaaairs O_O* O_o We formed a circle in the water, and baptized ourselves as a class. Racine got cramps. n_n;; Then we went back, and changed out of our wet clothes in the bus. Trekking while soaking wet is hard. And tiring. XD
*Orange, Aliah and Ms. Toli*
*Bayanihan Babes*
*Bayanihan Babes 2*
*Racine getting Cramps*
*The Sky*
*Golden Fields*

On the way home… I fell asleep. XD But everyone was being so gay and noisy I eventually woke up. :P Ah yes, I still have pics of that. XD We had another stop over, and I could barely stand. >_< But it was so fun. I’ll never forget it.

Oh-weh-oh-weh-oh-weh-oh-weh-ah! To the wilderness!


{/8:25 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Thursday, January 27, 2005
Outbound Education!
Listening to: LAUNCHCASTRadio

My legs are killing me. XD I can't stand. But I had an amazing time.

I'll post tomorrow.


{/11:53 PM} - { 1 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Music Contest
Listening to: Nothing, cause LAUNCHCASTRadio is biyotching. n_n;

After I-don't-know-how-many-months, I finally got to talk with Mike again. Gawd, I missed him. T_T The last time I talked with him was in mid December, and it was only a 3 text message conversation. Wheee, I'm happy I got to talk with him again. :3

Today we had the music contest. The Freshies watched, the Sophomores interpreted songs, the Juniors adapted lyrics to songs, and we Seniors composed our own grad songs. I'm really proud of our batch; all of the songs were great. And the support given by each class made me feel great too. Sandiwa won first place with their song Empty Classroom.

Empty classroom
Lyrics: Simone Banawa and Sarah Brillantes
Musical Arrangement: Marian Magturo

I. As we look inside our empty classroom
Things seem unimportant now
But little by little we’re reminded
When this meant the world to us

Refrain: The joys, the pains
The tears, the laughs
We’ve been through so much together

Chorus1: Shallowest things we would cry about
Crazy ideas we would laugh about
Memories that will forever be
The photos in my album
About you and me

II. We can see and end is drawing near
An end that brings so much grief
BuT there’s a feeling of comfort
Knowing we’ll see each other again

(repeat chours)

Bridge: Life as we know it, will only get better
We may not see it, it may not be clear
But the Lord has a plan for each of us here.

(refrain)

Chorus 2: Shallowest things we would cry about
Crazy ideas we would laugh about
After every success, failure and fall
This classroom isn’t so empty after all


We bagged 2nd with our song Another Goodbye.

Another Goodbye

*I'm not ready to say goodbye
I can't seem to hold back the tears to cry
If I('ll?) say that it's easy, then I'd lie
I know it's hard for me to say another goodbye
Goodbye

It was just yesterday when life seems play
We were restless until the end of the day
Everything was easy
So light and breezy
And I thought it was easy
No matter how hard I tried(try?)
I try to be strong
But I can't help but cry

*

So we stepped up to a different journey
It was tougher and problems were many
Everything piling up
My head starts to ache
But I know that I'm tough
And there's nothing I couldn't take

*

Makes me wanna reminisce
Makes me feel eternal bliss
There's a lot that I'll surely miss
Thinkin' 'bout everything
I know I'm ready to say

I'm now ready to say goodbye
I'm not holding back the tears to cry
And I'll say that it's hard and I won't lie
I know it's hard for me to say another goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye.


Phew. It's fun to cut and paste. XD Tomorrow is our field trip! We're going to Banahaw Rockies to trekk and swim in rivers and stuff. :P I have to get up at 4am. O_O And be at school by 5am. Gaaaah. So I have to sleep now, or else I will definitely get left behind. XD


{/7:44 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Prosec Fieldtrip

Listening to: Noisy clock again :O

First of all I got my YM to work~!! XD Be happy for me! :D Well, I didn't really get it to work; I installed the older version. XD Still, technically I got it to work again, so YAY! :3

*PLUG*
I am plugging our school fair, EvoluSHSion. It's from February 3-5, 2004, at the SHS school grounds in BF Homes, Quezon City. I would especially like to plug two things: the Gurlaloo (SHS Glee Club concert) and the Sanctum Unmasked (spontaneous performers booth).
-You can read about the Gurlaloo at Kari's and Gela's bloggies.

And I will plug something kinda long for Gretchie. XD

Sanctum Unmasked
~ Feb. 3-5, 2005 at the School of the Holy Spirit of Quezon City Fair [9 am - 3 pm] ~

~ It's a tambay booth. You pay to get into a room that's got all sorts of squishy cushions and mats inside, and there's a stage. Now, anybody can come up to the stage and do... whatever they want. Write, sing, dance, talk, tell jokes, play an instrument, draw, play bongos, debate, make strange and unexpected sounds from different body parts... ANYTHING. Even though they don't have the talent for it. As long as they feel the need for self-expression onstage, then Sanctum Unmasked welcomes them with open arms... and there's free ice tea for everyone who enters the booth!

However, to avoid dead air or downtimes in which no one wants to perform and people are left sitting around looking at each other, we are inviting anyone and everyone interested in performing (A.K.A. DOING ANYTHING THEY WANT ON STAGE) to contact me or any other member of the Sanctum Committee. Please give us the following inforweenies:


Name(s):
What You'll Be Doing: (we can't have you doing nude scenes! This is a school fair!)
When You Are Available: (Date[s] and Time[s]

And then we'll get back to you. After all the scheduled performers for the day have done their thang in front of everybody in the Sanctum, anybody from the audience can come up and do their thaing.

----------------

Anyway, today we had our Prosec Fieldtrip. It was uuuuuuuuber fun. :3 The first place we went to was Fitness First, which was in Eastwood. On our way there, we got huge goodie bags from Mrs.Zeta, plus Gonuts Doughnuts. <3 The whole class saw Joyce Jimenez while walking out of the locker area. I had no idea who she was until Cai pointed it out to me. XD First we had a small orientation of the place. We had a Last Man Standing game with crunches, and Teng and FF won. :O I wasn't sure of how to do crunches. XD So Cai and I ended up doing sit-ups, which made us tired faster. Lol. After that, half of the class went to Cosmic Cycling, while the other half went to Body Balance. I was in Body Balance. It was, well, tiring. XD It was quite relaxing though. Our instructor had a really soothing voice. We did a combo of Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates. Please don't mind me if it's not the right spelling. XD Pilates was the hardest! Haha, I could feel my legs shake. I couldn't imagine doing that everyday, like the regulars do. Must be fun. XD But wow, it was really new. Fun, tiring, and relaxing. At the end we got to just sprawl out on the floor for about 10 minutes for meditation. 'Twas great. :3

After after changing, we went to Fazoli's for lunch. Fazoli's! Again! XD

We got to G4 then went to Sari-Sari store for the dress up activity. It was here that I realized that I had accidentally pocketed the key to our locker in Fitness First. @_@ But anyway... XD Jan was our model for the Dinner Date, and I became the extra model for the Grad Ball thingie that they added at the last minute. XD I wore a grey, tube, A line dress that only went past my knees. There weren't any fitting shoes, so I wore my rubber shoes. XD Hahahaha! We got tips and such for the outfits we had put together. Afterwards, we were given a 15% discount on any items we were to buy then. I wasn't able to buy anything sadly. But now I know what kind of skirts I want to get; short A line skirts. XD Racine bought a cute mini skirt with hearts all over it for 200 pesos. Originally, it was 700. :O Talk about bargain man. W00t! This is where things get funny. XD (Sorry Racine, I found it funny XD) As we were leaving Sari-Sari store, Maku was there. He was signalling to Racine and stuff, but Ms. Alberto was there, so we had to look... unsuspicious. XD Hahaha. Racine was all nervous/panicky and stuff. :P Anyway, on our way to the bus, Cai noticed that Racine was still wearing a necklace from Sari-Sari store! :O So I had to run back to return it. Gawd, that left me really gasping for air. Went to the bus, then went back down with Vicky to look for missing classmates. We ran around a bit T_T and went back to the bus to find out that they were there already. Got Burger King Burgers from Mrs. Zeta again, and we were on our way home. We practiced a bit, practiced more at school, then went home.

Pheeeeeeeeew. Now I'm tired. But I have to study for El Fili and for English. Eeek.


{/1:22 AM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Sunday, January 23, 2005
Jacket Obsession
Listening to: The noisy clock that's sitting next to me

It's 2:30am. I thought I was sleepy, but I guess not. Or I'm just not letting myself sleep. If Mom was here she'd have my head, but she's not. She went to the province on Thursday to take care of some business there. Ok... now it's a quarter to three. My train of thought is going really slow at the moment.

..
..

Ahahaha, I fell asleep while writing this entry. XD It's now 8:50 in the morning. I'm lucky there's a bed here in the study room, or I might have fallen asleep... right in front of the pc. O_o

..
..

Ok, now it's 4:43pm. Don't ask me why it took me all day to get myself to write this entry.

Friday was... a bit boring. That's because Gela, Gretchen, and Kari were missing in action, which left only Cai, Racine and I at school. Gela was at her retreat, Gretchen was on her break day from the retreat, and Kari was on her field trip. The day breezed by.. We still don't have our school jackets. =/ I landed the part of Persephone on our Script Reading thingie for the English Week. We have to present the story of Hades and Persephone as a radio play. It's not a play, but like a radio drama. So even the sounds are live; that means no recordings can be used as effects. With that in mind, I wonder how we're going to replicate "Evil bed sounds". XD

Then after that Mary and I had to design Sandiwa's board for card day. We were only allowed to use the colors green, light green and orange. It was 3:45pm. I rushed it, ran down the corridor (Sandiwa is all the way at the end from Bayanihan), got some encouraging words from Cai, and ran across the field from the guidance office. I saw Dad waiting for me, and I told him I had to meet Matt. So I went out of the screening gate and negotiated with the guard there. Luckily he recognized me, and let me out after some reassuring words of my quick return. Once I was out, I walked slowly. For one I needed to catch my breath. Second, I didn't want to get hit by a car. Third, something told me to walk slowly. So I did. I looked down the street, and no one was there. I sat down and relished the silence. I watched the cars pass by. Then I looked down the street and I saw him walking my way. We sat down. He started, and I listened. I told him about the palanca, and the mistake he made in the secret code. I told him I wasn't ready for a lot of things. He gave me an angel figurine. He told me it was the way he saw me. Dad called, and I had to go. It even started to drizzle. He said that he liked the rain. I told him I liked it because I could spell my name with it, minus a letter, but there are more reasons than that. It cleared up some things, and I'm glad that it went well.

Then on Saturday I went to a wedding. Yeah. Another one. XD We were related to the bride; she's actually the sister of the groom of the wedding we went to in December. XD Since Mom was missing, I had to fix up myself all by myself. It was... horrifying? Haha, just kidding. XD I think I looked decent, but I bet my Mom would have said I looked too plain. I tried to fix my hair, but it just stayed straight as usual. We're always getting invited to weddings. :P Well, we didn't go to the wedding; we went to the reception. It was pretty fun. We got there late, but at least it wasn't that late. They had lots of ceremony thingies. Like the money dance, the first dance, the first meal, so on and so on. But the part that I absolutely loved was the 'Release of the Butterflies'. It was just like the ending of the cartoon series 'As Told by Ginger', where you whisper a wish to a butterfly and let it carry your wish to the Great Spirit. They shook out a cage of butterflies, and they flew everywhere. I found it magical. After that was dancing mostly. There was a guy DI and a girl DI; the guy DI was such a smooth dancer. :X And the girl DI, I sorta felt worry for her, because all the guys at the reception COULDN'T DANCE. XD Sadly, Dad was part of the guys that can't dance. Bwahahaha, I couldn't help but laugh a bit with my brother. =P Bad, I know. Auntie Auring gave me a huge bundle of flowers when we left. :O And I managed to hold 2 butterflies as we were leaving. I gave one to Juno, so he could make a wish. The other hitched a ride on my bag. When we were outside, I told my brother it didn't want to fly away. So he blew it, and it fluttered about. I yelled at him, "Hey! I haven't made a wish yet!!" And he said, "Oh, you make wishes?" So he chased it and started telling it his wishes. Yelling, actually. He came back and I asked him if he made a good wish. He said he told it a lot. And I told him "Jeth, look at the butterfly. It can only hold one wish~ XD" He looked surprised. He turned around and shouted to the butterfly, "PICK ONE!" Hahaha, that made me laugh a lot. I whispered my wish. I hope it heard me. And I hope it's not too heavy to carry.

And now... I'll explain the title of my post. I love this blue Nike jacket I'm wearing. XD I've been wearing it for 4 days now. I fell asleep in it too. =P But it has been through a lot more than just that with me. I've had that jacket since I was in Japan. It used to be my brother's, but he gave it to me eventually. I've had it for over... 6, 7 years? :O I remember wearing it while Trick or Treating in 1998. O_o I'm definitely a jacket person. Now all I need is our school jacket! :3


{/8:58 PM} - { 1 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Cold.
Listening to:

Damn it, I cannot cram all of these thoughts in my head onto my blog in 30 minutes. Mom says I'm lacking in sleep, so she's making me go to bed at 9. Plus she thinks I'm anemic. I'm probably going to wake up at 4 again if I sleep at 9. But that's not what I'm here to post about.

Yesterday when I got home, I showed my mom the bracelet Matt gave me. She told me it was pretty. She used to have one too. She said she'd show it to me when we go to Iriga again. I asked her how I could thank him for it. Since we both used to make bracelets, my mom told me to make him one. A bracelet for a bracelet. I liked it. Then we went out for dinner with my cousin and her fiancee again. We even met Bayani Fernando and Mikey Arroyo at the small resto we were at. We got home at 12. And the first thing I did was check for updated blogs.

I was supposed to make the bracelet today when I got home from school. But instead I cried at school. Then I cried when I got home. I tried to avoid the PC. But here I am. Woo hoo, go me..

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for getting my friends involved. I'm sorry for being a burden. Racine, I'm sorry for making you feel bad about yourself. Cai, I'm sorry for making you put up with things I should have faced. Gela, Kari, I'm sorry for making you worry. Gretchen, I'm sorry... I don't think I can paddle anymore. My kayak has been overturned, and the rider has fallen over the waterfall. You still have a chance.

But most of all.

I'm sorry Matt. For everything. I don't want to count how many things I'm sorry for, because I know I'll probably miss something. I'm sorry for ever beating you at YM games, and for agreeing to your bets. I'm sorry for always being busy and unavailable. I'm sorry for making you paranoid and for leaving you confused. I'm sorry for letting you compare yourself to another person. I'm sorry for letting you go all the way to our school. For making you even contemplate cutting classes. For making you think up of an outrageous plan that never pushed through. Partially, at least. I'm sorry for never telling you how much I like you.

I'm quite a fish, aren't I? You should do everyone a favor by hitting hard me with a paddle and throwing me back in. There are so many other fish in the sea.


{/6:43 PM} - { 2 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Retreat...ing?
Listening to: Welcome to Paradise ~ Greenday

Let's go to Paradise? I'll never get there.

Ahem.

I just found out that Gretchen got a blog again. She's the person who blookied my tag-board. Her blog makes me worry. At first I didn't get it, until Racine and Cai explained it to me. Heck, I didn't even know that she called me Provenance on her blog instead of my name or alias. I guess it's because I was blazing through her blog when I found it because my mom was breathing down my neck at the time.

Be strong my dear. And I know you're strong. It's confusing, but well, sometimes we have to put up with confusion. Please don't call me a hypocrit for saying that..

Confused. I mean, maybe that's the reason why I act the way I do at school, especially every Thursday and Friday. There's got to be a reason why I'm like that, other than me just being perverted. Even if I do it just for fun, for the yells and insecurities I give others, there's got to be an underlying reason, right? We may not be on the same boat, but maybe we're on the same river, floating towards the waterfall of our impending doom. We've got to paddle for our lives.

Continuing, even though I didn't see it, I passed the USTET. Communication, I think. Racine told me. I'd check myself, but I don't remember my application number. All that's left is... UP.

I wrote an entry last night. This morning actually. I didn't plan on posting it. Who thought it'd fit later on? Here goes:

Thank God for flashlights. :P

It's probably around 1 in the morning now. I've just taken a shower. Damn, I feel cold. It's been a while since I felt cold. I'd sleep in my jacket, but I think it's filthy. Haha. I guess this thin blanket will have to do.

When I was in the shower, Racine asked me if I had thought about how this would be my last night here. I paused, and said no. Truthfully, the thought had never sunk in. I guess I'll only truly miss this retreat house when I can't go here anymore. (Geez, there are still people walking around outside. Mga pasaway! XD)

I think the major theme of our recollection was along the lines of: Don't take things for granted. Our families, our friends, our homes, our experiences, our blessings, and blessings that come in the form of people who care for us. It's soooo easy to take things for granted. Then only when it's gone do you realize how much you had. But, looking at some of my classmates, there are those who are being taken for granted.

I think I would be a very good example for taking things for granted. Before I lived here, I had been living in Japan for nearly 10 years. Then when Dad retired from the Navy, we had to move out of the Base. So we moved here. We lived with my aunt for nearly 2 months while our house was being completed down the hill. It was only then did I cry over the things I had left behind. The things I missed. The things I had taken for granted. I wondered if I would ever visit Japan again. Here I am now, nearly 6 years later, still wondering. But I have my memories, and the people I will never forget.

Speaking of people, I have a huge tendency to take people for granted. People I believe will always be there. I remember when Mom had her operation, and I was just so dumbfounded. Dad called me up and told me that they were at the hospital. I was at Gela's house at the time. I had to sleep over at Cai's house because no one was at home, and Dad couldn't leave the hospital. Jeth was in Virginia then. Maybe I'm dense. That's why the gravity of things don't hit me as fast as they should. I remember her lying down, unconscious on the hospital bed. I saw the machines, and the vapor of her breath on the oxygen mask. All I could do was stare. I couldn't imagine life without my Mom. Then there was the time a few years ago when Jeth almost got Pnuemonia / Bronchitis. I was in 1st year. I even remember doing my CL project in the hospital room. Now that I think about it, I never once thought that I could have lost my brother if he hadn't gotten a check up. Then I remember when Jan's dad died. We were at the wake. I realized I'd be so lost without my Dad. I'd be lost without my parents. Without my family.

Both my parents came. I was happy to see them there. At one point the lights were off and we had our eyes closed. Our parents stood at the back. Then they said that a dad would tell a story. Just as he said, "My daughter", I knew it was my dad. Not only that, but I accidentally peeked. XD Anyway, he told the story of when we had just moved out of Okinawa to Subic Bay. I was around 3 or so then. My dad was trying to teach me how to ride a bike. He had taught my brother successfully, so he tried me. In Subic, our house was on a hill. I bet you know where this is going, lol. So my dad let me ride down this hill on a bike. He actually pushed me. And before he knew it, I was going down the hill so fast. So he tried to chase me and catch up! Lol. It makes me laugh. My dad said there that he caught up to me and stopped me before I got hurt, but in truth he never did. I crashed into a wall. n_n;; At least he chased after me.

This reco wasn't much of a Palanca reco. I think it's because after 4 years of being with each other, we've said everything we want to say. Palancas written to me usually contain the same things. Except for those who really know me. Bea was supposed to give me a palanca from someone, but she forgot it at home. Bummer. I wanted to read it. I'll just have to wait till Wednesday.

This is my last reco. After this, it's back to reality. But hey, what can happen in a day, right?

It sounds like most of my classmates have finally fallen asleep. I'm guessing it's around 2:30 in the morning now.

I think I'll sleep now.


...

You know, this whole thing... It makes me lose my focus. It has made me sick. It has made me feel guilty and depressed, and yet happy. It has made me feel special. Really special. But it's not doing us any good. You're not doing me any good. I'm not doing you any good. We're just making each other suffer, slowly and silently. Why? Because I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what I want. And somehow I feel that I'm not ready to give anything to anyone.

I'm just one person. One confused and uberly screwed 16 year old girl. I can only give so much.


{/8:43 AM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Sunday, January 16, 2005
Weekend Blues
Listening to: Will You ~ POD

No, I still haven't gotten YM to work. But I found out that I can run LAUNCHcast Radio thru an applet on it's webpage. Yes! Pat me on the back Vanessa~ Haha, don't slap, that would hurt too much. :P PS: You miss working? :O

Moving on. Saturday was extremely boring. My guitar lessons got cancelled. Then my dental appointment got cancelled too. So I just played RO all day. Well, not really all day. I got the futon off the floor, and put my washed clothes in the closet. Then I took the rose that Matt gave me and placed it in a wine glass. I looked all over the house for a vase, but all I could find was a wine glass. Kinda gives you an idea what my parents like to drink. :P I tried to preserve the other 3 roses, but there was no more space in our ref, so my mom told me to arrange them along with mine.

Then I practiced playing my guitar, then I played RO again. XD At around 5 Miggy text me telling me he was at McDo. So I got my brother to drive me there, and I met up with him. He gave me palancas from various Discov people for my other classmates. He also showed me a perfect math quiz. (Ack) He asked if I was hungry, and I said yes. I ordered a cheeseburger meal, and we just sat down and talked. He got a new phone! And I know he took stolen pics of me with it. I should have deleted them. :O We talked about various things; college, the fair, my brother who was hiding somewhere in McDo. Then I checked my watch and it was already 6. My family and I were to go to mass at 6, so I had to leave. Before I left tho, he gave me an overdue Christmas present. I thanked him for everything, and started walking towards our car. I was stopped by a boy selling sampaguita, and I didn't have any money on me at the time. (My wallet is still with Racine) So I pulled out the cheeseburger I didn't eat and gave it to him. Another boy ran up to me, but I couldn't give him anything. So I told the boy I whom I gave the cheeseburger to share with him. n_n; Then Jeth drove us to the subdivision and we met up with Mom and Dad for mass.

When we got home, Mom told me to open it. I did, and inside were two stuffed toy frogs. Later than night I put the frogs on the top bunk, and the flowers next to my lamp. And I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

Today I woke up to Mom yelling at me thru the door. n_n;; I watched Discovery Travel and Living, and saw their Top Ten Places to Visit for London. I really can't wait to visit London. It'll be sooo cool. Auntie Nickel came from Iriga today, and we ate at Mongkok for lunch. After eating and talking, we, the girls, walked around Royale Place, and came upon a botique that was open upstairs. They had really nice skirts, and even though I liked them, I told myself that I'd never be able to pull off wearing a skirt. I don't know, but I can't convince myself that I'd like pretty in a skirt. (Gah, babaaaaaaaaw man.) But anyway, we went downstairs, and went off to Rockwell to meet up with Lassie and Mel. We went bowling, and I was kickass in the first game. XD But I totally sucked in the second and third games. After bowling, we went to Rockwell to eat. I saw Carl, Cai's brother there. :O Actually, Carl saw me there. XD Surprise? I asked where Cai was, but he said she was at home. Continuing, Jeth and I got to bond with Mel, I guess. He's actually pretty funny. Weird and sorta demented. =P Of course, that's ok with me. :D

Tomorrow is my last Recolletion. I haven't started writing palancas yet. n_n;; Great. For the first time, I wanted to ask around for palancas, but I wasn't able to. I've been out of load since Saturday evening, and my YM still refuses to cooperate with me. I'll be gone for a day. Not much. I won't bring my phone either. It won't be of much use to me there. Mom didn't want me to buy load, and I don't have money with me now.

Mom is yelling at me now. ~_~ I can't help but feel like she always finds a reason to yell at me.

How fun.


{/9:04 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Friday, January 14, 2005
TGIF
Listening to: Track 7 ~ Evanescence

The internet is down again. n_n;; So I best be productive and write my blog entry while I can't do anything else. At least I'm listening to a CD now. :P I just pulled a random one out from my huge pile and stuck it in the PC.

Today we had a mass and a program for the loyal teachers of the school. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, and even 30 years of service. :O Now that's long. The school itself, SHSQC, has only been up for 25 years. (We're the silver batch, since we're graduating on the 25th birthday of the school :P) Not much happened after the mass. Awarding, presentations and such. Our batch is really into bands tho. :P

Oh, I forgot to mention yesterday that I had the most interesting conversation with a group of my classmates concerning breasts, bras, and minimizers. XD The discussion was my fault, but still it was really funny. XD

Anyway, back to what happened today. Since it was half day, we got dismissed at as early as 11:30. We walked around, looking for the lady who was in charge of the school jackets. I had to add to my downpayment. We found out that it's fun to hang out on the steps in front of the faculty room if there's no one around. XD We met her at the gate eventually. After that, we just bummed around until 1. We talked about stuff. But I remember talking about our parents. At one point, Gela's mom came, and I felt really bad when she sent her back to pick her up later. It was at around 1:15 that Gretchen had to leave. We saw her off and left the MMA. So we dumped our stuff at the covered walk and started to walk around the parking lot, especially the smal field right beside the MMA. I stood on a pillar, and when I got down, my skirt got caught on it, and I nearly fell. XD Good thing Kari was there, or I might have torn my skirt. :O After that, we just stayed at the covered walk, just talking. Well, talking, complaining, then listening to music. :P Soon enough, Gela and Kari had to go. That left Racine, Cai and me. We each just listened to music. Cai stopped to listen to Racine sing, then Racine ran out of batteries. XD So I was left listening to music. Then we saw a car drive into the school. Then they drove out. When they drove out, I noticed blue polos. And I wondered, why did they drive out? XD I looked at Racine and Cai, and we guessed that the guard wouldn't let them in. So Cai and Racine went ahead to 'check things out'. Lol. Bodyguards. XD We guessed right, and we had to go out into the street next to the school. And I quote: "Yonder!" So I was walking with Racine and Cai, a lot of things were going through my mind at those moments. But before I knew it I was already at the street, and Matt was there, with his friends. We each got roses. Well, Racine had to hold Gela's, Gretchen's and Kari's. :P Then Matt told me to hold out my hand for his Christmas gift. So I did, but instead of plopping something into my hand, he put a bracelet around my wrist.

And so I conclude... I have a very small wrist. n_n; Lol! But seriously, that took me by surprise.

Then dad came and picked us up. I went home with Cai, and she showed me how many anime VCDs and OSTs I actually have from Jeth. :O We ended up watching the Christmas Special of Love Hina. After that, I took a shower while Cai used the PC. We ate dinner, and after that I had to go to Yeli's house to work on the Investigatory project again. We dropped Cai off at Petron, and I went to Yeli's house. I met up with Paola, and we got started on summarizing. Yeli came home with magnets that actually repel! :O We got it to levitate a piece of cardboard. We're so proud of ourselves. XD

Now I'm home. And now I will post long overdue pics. :P


My Lola's fish pool from the terrace.


Pic of a part of Lola's terrace.

Pic of the pool from the first floor.

My cousins; Vanessa in green, Ysmaelle in blue. Sisters. Me sticking my feet into the pool. :P

Me, the sad little fishergirl.

Me kicking Vanessa's butt at Badminton. XD

Cousins; Tristan playing, Pocholo watching.

Cousin; Almond, Tristan and Pocholo's brother.

Tristan holding evil Black Materia. XD

Tristan looking 'sexay'. XD

Cousin; Christine. That's a non-alcoholic drink, btw.

Me playing announcer for our family Christmas party.


My deranged family. XD Mom and Dad were playing the game where you have to break each other's eggs. Yes, I know it's wrong. XD


Iriga from the top of the Grotto.

Buko. XD

Auntie Didith's wedding. Vanessa, Ysmaelle, Auntie Deti, Mom, Me, Auntie Evan, Christine, Auntie Didith, and her husband. XD

Me, Jeth, Lola, Maelle, and Vanessa.

Vanessa saves the damsel in distress...

Or does she? XD

Maelle hops on for a ride.

Cousins bonding.

Cousins unbonding. XD Cousins: Tristan on top, Gerard on the bottom, and Glen watching. XD

Launching rockets into the pool.

Our boredom at our uncle's HS reunion.

Cousins!

Vanessa go RAWR~!

The 'Ates'

Cousins again! And Tristan trying to look cool. XD

Fireworks. :O

Many many rockets. @_@

My uncle and the Judas belt that blew up our bundle of rockets. It's my uncle's fault too.

The Aftermath.

The Aftermath 2.


{/11:40 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Thursday, January 13, 2005
Late Night Posting
Listening to: Until the Day I Die ~ Story of the Year

Goodness, I've been listening to three songs for the past 2 weeks. T_T I need to restore my files! >_<

I just finished editing the script for english week. We're going to be doing a radio show of Hades and Persephone. XD I've read the script, and it's sooooooo funny. Haha. I can't wait to voice it. :3

Anyway... now it's late. It's already morning. I need to sleep. But let's write down what happened today. I mean, yesterday.

First we had praise worship. The YFC club members led us thru the songs and the actions. At one point I thought I saw a mosh pit in front of us. XD But it was fun jumping around and doing the actions. After recess we had a talk with Bo Sanchez! He's so much fun. Listening to him is just great. He asked us if we could be the answer to someone's prayer. A message from God when all they have is one matchstick left. We all closed our eyes and put our hands on our hearts and prayed. I hope God heard us today.

After that, we had our fellowship. Had a game, ate then had the thanksgiving thingie. Each classmate spoke on the behalf of the class and said why we were thankful for a certain classmate of ours. I got Teng. :P It took a while for the whole class to finish; three were absent, and people wrote long speeches.

Then after the fellowship, we went to the gym for the CL Trivia game. Then the CL quiz bee. Our team won! Yay. XD

And now, I have to sleep. :# Or else these two people on MSN won't let me leave. T_T


{/12:05 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Curse you YM!
Listening to: This Photograph is Proof ~ Taking Back Sunday

Damn my YM. It refuses to work even after I install it, uninstall it, and reinstall it. And I've done that 4 times this night. It pisses me off, I swear.

Today was Ms. Osila's birthday! I have no idea how old she is today. XD It was also the second day of the Tridum for St. Arnold Janssen. Camilla brought flowers to be offered, but the next thing I knew, I was stading with the flowers in my hand at the back. XD So. I was the only highschooler there at the back; all the other offerers were grades 5 and 6. I was told to just tag along behind them, but when the time came to offer them, a teacher announced, "Let us sing as our grade 5 and 6 sisters offer their flowers and other goods." Of course, I stopped in my tracks. I mean, grade 5 and 6?! XD I ended up offering them after the Tridum. :P

Then at recess, well, I found myself in another predicament. I couldn't help but feel like a major factor for the cause of that situation. Of course, I too felt that way just last year. And it does really suck.

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

What inner color are you?

Quiz by Shirono



{/7:23 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Graaaaaaar.
Listening to: LAUNCHcast Radio

I was really pathetic in my last post. Bah.

Thanks to all who commented. You really made me feel a lot better. n_n

Today was... a bit hyper. Well, I remember it as hyper. I remember dancing with Guia to the song Rumors by Lindsay Lohan. XD Omg. Haha!

We had the first day of our Tridum (sp?) for St. Arnold Janssen. He has a statue now! But the one of his head in front of the Prep Building needs some cleaning. Plus the plaque needs to be changed. He's a saint now. XD Then Math, then recess. I studied for our AP long test, but I only did decently. All because of that darned graph at the end. >_>

Teenstar was... disturbing. Well, we watched two films on abortion, so it's expected. The first showed the ultrasound of the womb during a 12 week pregnancy. It was already sad to watch. The second film was... well, I can't describe how horrific it was. It was so horrible and sad to watch. A child, so helpless and defenseless.. literally torn apart, just like that. I cried at the end.

Then we had Prosec, where we discussed time management. Prioritizing goals and cutting them up into bite sizes. (I still remember a few months ago when I was ranting about how I needed to prioritize things in my life) It does help; it gives you a set date. When you should accomplish what. Of course, there's the question if I'll really even start anything. T_T

I did pinoi! :O During lunch, but I still did it. XD Guia and I danced to Rumors by Linday Lohan in the classroom while changing for PE. Pinoi period, but we didn't check anything because that period was used for a class discussion for what to bring on thrusday and friday. So... oh well. :P Then accounting. Then PE. I started on my letter to Speedo-kun. (SPEEDO!! XD) I wonder how she's doing in Quincey now. Is it still cold there? Did the Red Sox win? O_o I'm still clueless about stuff in the States. I guess I'll find out when I get her reply to my reply to her letter. (I'm a bit hyper XD)

Then we played basketball. Well, attempted to. Passing, shooting. I suck at it. XD Besides that, the gym floor was slippery, and everyone felt like they would slip during our warm ups. Either way, I'll probably always stay sucky at basketball. Volleyball as well. And all the other sports besides softball, track and swimming.

I still need to make my Letter of Appeal. But I honestly have no idea on how I'm going to start it. =/ Then I got YM to work. But I bet I'm going to have to install it again tomorrow. Blah. The things I do. I wonder why there is always something wrong with my PC. T_T

Fridaaaaaaaaaaay. Ack. O_O


{/6:19 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Saturday, January 08, 2005
Control Alt Delete my Life
Listening to: Last Train Home ~ Lost Prophets

This entry will start out like many of my other entries; with the internet not working and me being in a not so good mood. Right now I'm nursing a sore throat I got from watching Dawn of the Dead last Friday at school. Sooooo. I'm kinda voiceless. Great. Moving on.

ACET results were released today. I'm waitlisted.

Today... I was supposed to go to the Games and Gadgets Con at Megamall. I was even supposed to cosplay. I was supposed to meet Cai and Racine, catch sight of some GZ guys and meet up with some of my fellow HOLers. But as things would have it, my plans were forced to change and I found myself in Greenhills instead. We were bribed with 600 pesos to waste in a crowded arcade. At one point one of the people I was going to meet there volunteered to actually pick me up from GH from Megamall. I could have gone later in the afternoon, but my dad said that we were going to have dinner with my Ate Lassie and her fiancee from London. So even from GH, I wasn't able to go. At this point I'm frustrated and angry. Being bribed by my own dad isn't very fun. But I try to understand becuase the drive to the airport is a long and tiring one. I try to understand Ate Lassie is getting married, and I should be happy to meet her fiancee. So we go home. Jeth, Vanessa, Ysmaelle and I go to Ever because we're bored. As we leave I notice that my dad an my uncle are missing. I'm thinking that Dad and Uncle Ernie went out to pick them up from the airport. Then I come home and I'm told that the dinner is going to be tomorrow because it's too late to have dinner with them today. And they knew about this. They had to have known.. I mean, it turns out they getting a foot spa. All day they knew that she'd be arriving from London at 8pm. They knew they'd be tired. They probably knew that it wasn't going to push thru. So I'm sitting here already getting crushed under all the things that have been bothering me. But I guess this kinda pushes me over the edge? They knew and still they didn't let me go. I heard about this con 2 months ago. I told them about it 2 months ago. For 2 months I was excited. I told people I'd be going. I was excited to see them again. And because of my parent's laziness to go there, my 2 months was all in vain. I mean... I just can't believe it. Haha. That sucks. Especially when they knew just how much it meant to me.

My mom started talking about divorcing dad again. (O God, I have my limits too you know..) I asked her, "What's going to happen to us?" she shrugged and said, "I don't know." How could she say that? I just stood there distraught and torn.

I think I've reached my breaking point. I'm guessing this because it's only now that I'm crying over all the shit I've been putting up with. Crying because of my parents, crying because of Matt and Miggy, crying because of school, crying because everyone wants me to be something I don't want to be, crying because the world is so screwed, crying because of my future, crying because I know I'm strong but obviously, I'm not strong enough. It's like falling into a pit of spikes and finally feeling each spike being thrust into your body. There are so many things and people that I give attention to that I don't give attention to myself anymore.

I mean, look at me. I'm sick. I'm voiceless. I'm not eating. I feel like vomitting half of the time. Pretty pathetic. w00t for emotional stress. n_n;



Anyway... soon enough this feeling will disappear again. Then I'll be my 'normal' self again. I'll regain my composure, so to speak. Haha. :P

I'll post pics of my stay in Iriga when I'm more stable. n_n;



{/11:15 PM} - { 4 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Wednesday, January 05, 2005
*barf*
Listening to: Computer Fan

Still queasy. But better than yesterday. Slightly. n_n;;

I therefore confess:
Being in-demand is not fun. It makes me sick. Literally.

Today the class went to the wake of Jan's father. She wasn't crying. She was laughing with my other classmates, which is a good thing. She'd accepted it, I guess. Me, I'd be so lost if I lost my dad. Even if he annoys the heck out of me sometimes, I think I'd cry forever. Same with my mom. Maybe even so for my brother. I've been to so many wakes, but I think I'll never be prepared for the time I lose someone really close to me.

Crap, I feel like vomiting.

I'm going to bed. I don't feel well.


{/9:32 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Could be Feeling Better
Listening to: Mom nagging me to go to my room already

I could be feeling better. I've been sick for the past three days. Been feeling that way at least. My appetite is playing games with me. One moment I can't stand to eat, the next I'm starving. I've felt like vomiting. I've felt dizzy and sick to the stomach; dealt with minor headaches, a stuffy nose, and allergic reactions like sneezing and watery eyes. And that's just today. Quite honestly, I feel like crap at the moment. n_n;

Besides that, we got some of our test results today. Let's not even go there. My Yahoo Messenger isn't working either. I got it to work earlier when I reinstalled it, but after I logged out and logged back in, the same error popped up. And as of now I still have to do Fili notes and stuff. Ugh.

But I guess staying out of contact while I'm in this state is a good thing. I might say something out of my being irritable.

Tomorrow I'm going to the wake of my classmate's father. My mom will also be going to a wake, but it's in Lucban. I've noticed that my mom and I are always at wakes. The last wake we went to was on the first day when we got to Iriga for Christmas vacation. My uncle. I had just met him at a wedding two weeks earlier.

Anyway, it's back to being busy for me. I can't help but feel like I never get a break. Even this Christmas break I was being taken everywhere; staying up late, and being waken up early. I'd be signed off to an appointment I never made. I started falling asleep everywhere. The next thing I knew I'd be stirred awake by my phone chiming, a cousin yelling, a parent nagging, or a helper telling me that it's time to eat. Yes, I had a lot of fun in the province, but it's left me even more drained than ever.

And now mom nags me more. *sigh*

I'm really tired.


{/9:06 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.


Saturday, January 01, 2005
Christmas Vacation
Listening to: LAUNCHcast Radio

Happy New Year everyone! It's a new beginning; I've done my jumping, have you done yours? XD

Phew. 2 weeks in the province. I lost count of how many times I went to and from Pili to Lola's house. In my stay, I went to a funeral, and a wedding. I didn't go swimming. We lost power 5 times on New Years Eve. I bonded with Christine. Well, sorta. I forced Tristan off of his bed 3 times by falling asleep on it. Watched the male faction of the local government dress up in bikinis and wigs, and dance to the sounds of Bulaklak and Otso-Otso. Found a dead turtle. (*sob*) Watched Fireflies. Got locked inside the attic bathroom. O_o Spent nearly 700 pesos on text and WAP. (I'm sticking to YM!)

... I should have been off 30 minutes ago. Um. I'll make another entry tomorrow.


{/11:33 PM} - { 0 }
I'm almost somewhere.