Here's to two months and a day. :) Happy Monthsary.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."There was no one I needed to impress. There was no one whose acceptance I felt I needed. This changed, though. And this is the reason why I'm in this rut at the moment. Still, I'm sure there are some people who like me as I am. :)
"I love you. And you know that. I'd always accept you for who you are, or who you may be. X3"<3 Thanks, hun. :)
I had a wonderful weekend last weekend. Even though it was pretty chaotic, I had a lovely time with Ginno at my house. We ate strawberry pocky, and he brought me a pack of Choc-nut along with Turtle. He brought the Choc-nut because I told him that in my entire stay in this country, I've never eaten Choc-nut. Kinda freaky, but true. They're still on my desk; I don't know if I should break my record or not.
Auntie Susan, Louie, and Dillon were there too. On the same night, Uncle Julie and Auntie Janine came, and a few days after they had arrived, Auntie Susan and my two cousins left, only to be replaced by Auntie Evan and Ysmaelle. Starting today though, life will return to normal, as our relatives have evacuated our house for the sanctuary of some spiffy hotels.
I've been out of the loop since Monday. Explains why I've been missing online lately. I've been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of a lot of things, but honestly, it's not going too well. One thing that keeps on disrupting my train of thought is 'You reap what you sow.' We are responsible for what we do. We must face the consequences of our actions. This is actually the first time I've been hit this hard by this particular saying. There are a number of things I know that I am at fault for, but I can't dwell on these things as I'll just drive myself as well as others insane.
It's ironic how we fall victim to the very things we are told, taught, trained, and repeatedly reminded not to do, or to be careful of. I remember this one time when my dad handed me a razor after I asked for it. I needed it to cut some loose threads from the bag I had brought with me at the time. My dad told me to be careful, and I rolled my eyes, thinking, 'Geez, I'm not that stupid.', but the next thing I knew I had blood dripping from one of my fingers. It's moments like these that make you realize that, damn, I am stupid, and you don't know whether to curse or thank the universe for conspiring against you in order to teach you a lesson.
Maybe you're feeling down because you want to do so much in your life, but you never seem to be able to motivate yourself. I get that a lot too.
Well, you're not the only one. Over the last few months, the question I most often ask myself is "How could I have been so stupid?"
I kept on questioning myself. More than I ever have before. My personality, my principles, my attitude, everything. Was there something I needed to change in who I was?
I realized that something is wrong with me. I was really emo about it for months. Slowly I realized I would never get over it if I just kept crying. So I'm doing something about it now. I still have doubts, sometimes. I don't think they ever go away for anybody. But they can be kept to the minimum.
By Anonymous, at 7:43 PM
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