- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
I don't know why I didn't notice it before. As much as I hate to say it.. my life is so mediocre.
I only noticed it after chatting with Carlo. He asked, "What's up with you?" and I replied with my never-dying "Nothing much." to which he replied "Hmm... that's the... *insert infinity sign here*th time you've said that. *laughs*"
That seemed to light a realization light bulb in my head. Everytime someone asks me what's been going on in my life, I always reply with "Nothing much." I have a long list of wishes there on the right portion of my blog, but I don't actively try and make them happen. Every now and then I complain that my life is boring. Uneventful. Blah.
Sometimes when I look at the really long entries on my blog, I wonder if I was trying to make up for my lack of productivity by recording every single thing that happened to me that day. Instead of posting insights or reflections, I tell the whole internet about what I did that day. It was last week that I finally started to wonder if anyone actually read about what I did the whole day. Who would be interested in knowing that I woke up early for the nth time in my existence? They seem like such.. small things. =/ That's probably the main reason why I didn't go into detail about how my Immersion went. Quality over quantity, so to speak.
It's confusing. When I tell people about my past, about how I lived in Japan for ten years, how I'm an American citizen even if I was born in Okinawa, of how I've travelled to so many places, of how I've been here or how I've done this, my life doesn't seem mediocre at all. But then I tell myself that these were things that had happened in the past. And while these experiences will stay with me forever (or for as long as my brain can keep hold of them) past is past. Present is different from past.
If anything, I'm disappointed with myself. I mean. I know that I'm very capable of making my life the way I want it to be. But I don't. I let myself be just enough to get by. I don't strive to be more. I'm surrounded by such colorful people, with vibrant personalities and innumerable shades and hues for lives, and though I know that I too have a effervescent personality, I live my life in a pastel color. Not that I'm saying that taking it easy is a bad thing. It's just that I do want to be more. I'm happy with my life, no doubt. I have a demented but complete and loving family, and the greatest (and just as demented) friends in the world. I live in a house that's paid for, I'm able to eat at least three meals a day, and I'm studying. And yes, I do have a handful of people that I could say that I love. I'm thankful for all of these, and I know that I should make the most of these gifts to live my life to the fullest. And I will; because I can.
Such a refreshing post, don't you think? :)
I don't want wings to fly away anymore. I want wings to fly.
mediocre!? i dont think so.. majority of us think ur someone special... maybe u dont see that... khet nu pa gawn mo, khet boring or sbrang 'wow'... lahat ng gnawa mo ay naglelead sa isang extraordinary na situation n mkk2lng sa iyong layp... kaya dont worry! mwah!