- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
Despair Listening to: Fiona Apple ~ Across the Universe
The last post was kinda deep, wasn't it? Thoughts like that happen all the time, but only sometimes are they ever written down. Thanks to all who commented. :) Feedback really does help a lot at times.
Guia: -I didn't mean to start the 'Kill your Xanga' movement. n_n; It was just getting tedious posting on my Xanga. Yeah, I know I'll be fine. I always end up fine. :P Btw, patok talaga ung text mo kaninang umaga. XD
Gretchen: -Puzzle Pirates? Tempting.. XD You're using my sudden interest in pirates against me! Bleh. :P Nah, I'm trying to keep myself from DLing stuff until I figure out what's keeping it from running some of my programs. :)
Lei: -Was it really? :P I'm used to typing really long entries, that's why they come out so neat. Before I had trouble staying on one topic while posting. XD Yar, I still have to post my pictures, don't I? Buy a new digicam, if you can't get yours fixed!
Mai: -Damn, it's at times like these that I really miss hugs at school. D: Actually, it happens to me a lot. I'm the kind of person who likes to look through photo albums. :P Pictures. I have a boxed filled with pictures I've taken. I don't cry a lot... just teary eyed. XD
Anonymous -Like I said, I wasn't crying because I was sad. It's like eating a really wonderful piece of candy. But you can only have this piece of candy once. So while you're eating it, you try to make it last as long as possible, cherishing every moment, every piece as it melts in your mouth. Then when it's gone, it's gone. And even though you enjoyed it so much, you're sad because you know you'll never have a piece of candy like that ever again. Of course, I know that I should be grateful that I have memories that I cherish, and I am, but even so, it still evicts a sad feeling from me. I am but one grain of sand in Time's hourglass. I don't think I'm that special to have that honor. :P
Anyway... on to my post.
Not much has been happening. I played Badminton with my aunt and my mom on monday, and until now some parts of my body are still sore. I don't know why a lot of people like playing Badminton. I'm not saying that it's not fun or anything, I just wonder why.
Yesterday I had my Informatics class. Informatics is really... unorganized. I started my classes WMF, 9am-12pm. Then it became TTH. THEN it changed from 9-12 to 12-3. I hope the sched doesn't change again. It's really hard to plan, especially with my parents.
Yesterday I also had the weirdest chat. Well, weird and slightly interesting. I was PMed by someone I don't know on YM. He called me Ms. Mysterious. Uh, ok. That was my first thought. But I entertained his greeting with a hello, and we got to chatting. He was surprised by what I had put in my Yahoo Profile. To him, it seemed a little 'deep' for a 16 year old girl to be talking about living life and spreading peace and love. Is that deep? Anyway, he's 26, [LIKE MIKE! Joke. :P Mike's 25. Turning 26. XD] an Indian studying in Singapore, currently here for a break. Slowly the conversation went on to how to cool one's self in this hot country. I told him malls were the best, and he said I was crazy. O_o I guess he had something else in mind. XD Then I mentioned showers, and we had the weirdest conversation about his experience in a public bath here in the Philippines. :O It wasn't disgusting or anything. It was actually quite funny. Haha, it was really just a casual conversation, even if the topic was kinda weird. Afterwards, he told me that chatting with me was relaxing. Me? Relaxing? That's kinda.. new. ;)
Today, went to SM North. Walked around by myself again, as usual. I didn't run into anyone tho. National was renovated, and actually organized. But you know, it's hard to look for a book for one's self if you don't have a title in mind. It's even harder to look for a book for someone else. ._. I found one, 'Hope for the Butterflies', but I don't know if it's appropriate. =/ I need to buy two books for two people, and I don't know what to buy. D:
I'm getting off topic. Let's go back to the main reason why I'm blogging tonight.
despair n 1: a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly
4 days 'till the 18th. I hate countdowns. Why am I counting down? Because of this:
LAST NAME: Rigoroso FIRST NAME: Ria MIDDLE NAME: Turiano STATUS: Waitlisted COURSE:
That's why. And my main feeling? You guessed it. Despair. My mom was the first to tell me that she thought I wouldn't get into The Ateneo. And as much as I hate, despise, abhor..! I'm starting to think the same way. Still no call, and only 4 days left. Of course, I'm still holding on to the smallest ray of hope. I'm holding out 'till the 18th itself if I have to.
If I don't find out before the 18th.. I'm going to UST. It's not like UST is bad or anything. My course is decent. The school seems ok. It's just... why not Ateneo? It's like.. my friends are going to their dream schools, except for me. [I'm sorry guys. >_<][And Cai, you have the talent test, and your talent is unquestionable.]
Before, I blamed myself for not passing the ACET. If I had just been smart enough to pass the ACET, I wouldn't be in this mess, I told myself. But what's done is done, so I let it go. Then I tried to blame Ateneo. If I don't have a recommendation letter, does that mean I'm not going to get in? I have no connections what-so-ever, so I have no strings to pull, nor any favors to ask. I realized I was being illogical, so I stopped before I really did start blaming them. I wanted someone to blame. I might still want someone to blame. But I'm tired of blaming. Tired of ranting.
Time never honors anyone and you know that. But it is a part of his job to give emphasis on those times you need to remember most.
1% Hope is enough. Despair about it as much as you like but it is good to remember that there indeed is hope and what you have to do know is harness what is left. You can't do anything anymore about the ACET. Just smile and be happy whatever the results maybe. He has planned this for you the very beginning anyway.
Why cry over a sweet candy? You can always buy another anyway and probably something better. Just like memories, you may not relive the experience but you'll get something better. Look ahead, you're an optimistic person anyways.