- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
Control Alt Delete my Life Listening to: Last Train Home ~ Lost Prophets
This entry will start out like many of my other entries; with the internet not working and me being in a not so good mood. Right now I'm nursing a sore throat I got from watching Dawn of the Dead last Friday at school. Sooooo. I'm kinda voiceless. Great. Moving on.
ACET results were released today. I'm waitlisted.
Today... I was supposed to go to the Games and Gadgets Con at Megamall. I was even supposed to cosplay. I was supposed to meet Cai and Racine, catch sight of some GZ guys and meet up with some of my fellow HOLers. But as things would have it, my plans were forced to change and I found myself in Greenhills instead. We were bribed with 600 pesos to waste in a crowded arcade. At one point one of the people I was going to meet there volunteered to actually pick me up from GH from Megamall. I could have gone later in the afternoon, but my dad said that we were going to have dinner with my Ate Lassie and her fiancee from London. So even from GH, I wasn't able to go. At this point I'm frustrated and angry. Being bribed by my own dad isn't very fun. But I try to understand becuase the drive to the airport is a long and tiring one. I try to understand Ate Lassie is getting married, and I should be happy to meet her fiancee. So we go home. Jeth, Vanessa, Ysmaelle and I go to Ever because we're bored. As we leave I notice that my dad an my uncle are missing. I'm thinking that Dad and Uncle Ernie went out to pick them up from the airport. Then I come home and I'm told that the dinner is going to be tomorrow because it's too late to have dinner with them today. And they knew about this. They had to have known.. I mean, it turns out they getting a foot spa. All day they knew that she'd be arriving from London at 8pm. They knew they'd be tired. They probably knew that it wasn't going to push thru. So I'm sitting here already getting crushed under all the things that have been bothering me. But I guess this kinda pushes me over the edge? They knew and still they didn't let me go. I heard about this con 2 months ago. I told them about it 2 months ago. For 2 months I was excited. I told people I'd be going. I was excited to see them again. And because of my parent's laziness to go there, my 2 months was all in vain. I mean... I just can't believe it. Haha. That sucks. Especially when they knew just how much it meant to me.
My mom started talking about divorcing dad again. (O God, I have my limits too you know..) I asked her, "What's going to happen to us?" she shrugged and said, "I don't know." How could she say that? I just stood there distraught and torn.
I think I've reached my breaking point. I'm guessing this because it's only now that I'm crying over all the shit I've been putting up with. Crying because of my parents, crying because of Matt and Miggy, crying because of school, crying because everyone wants me to be something I don't want to be, crying because the world is so screwed, crying because of my future, crying because I know I'm strong but obviously, I'm not strong enough. It's like falling into a pit of spikes and finally feeling each spike being thrust into your body. There are so many things and people that I give attention to that I don't give attention to myself anymore.
I mean, look at me. I'm sick. I'm voiceless. I'm not eating. I feel like vomitting half of the time. Pretty pathetic. w00t for emotional stress. n_n;
Anyway... soon enough this feeling will disappear again. Then I'll be my 'normal' self again. I'll regain my composure, so to speak. Haha. :P
I'll post pics of my stay in Iriga when I'm more stable. n_n;
Gretcheran: what yeh've got to remember is: would ye rather yer mum lied to ye 'bout the state of things like yer dad did?
don't say "how could she say that?" when she tells the truth, me lassie, because truth, unlike lies, shows you what part of yourself you've got to heal.the longer yeh put off facing the truth and how it makes yeh feel, the more yeh've got to heal. That's wha'happened so now yeh feel all them spikes at the same time.
i guess your parents wanted you to spend saturday with your relatives, instead of with friends you can talk to everyday and stuff, through school or internet...i understand. i made a mistake like that before, prioritizing friends. last summer, GZ had a gathering, and i went, instead of spending time with my relatives from canada and watching that show where my mom was a bit actress and stuff. i mean, i had fun, but i felt bad after. i hardly see my mom, and then i don't spend as much time with her as i should. she understands, but i can't help but feel bad. maybe your parents felt the same.
half the time, i think, when parents talk about divorce, they don't go through with it. i guess because it makes things so much more complicated. jobs are needed, living somewhere else, all those papers and lawyers...but when there are kids...i think, unless it's really serious, they won't split for your sake. seriously. your parents stayed together for all this time; they're not gonna split over a few arguments. it's just frustration talking, i guess. couples do fight. also...well, if they do split up...i guess it's hard at first, but it shouldn't change who you are. don't go all angsty and shit because your family's not together. take it, then go on. i mean, look at me, i'm okay, and my parents...well, their reason for splitting up had no anger or anything, but it wasn't a very nice reason either. this is getting too long, next.
you should tell matt and miggy what this is doing to you. tell them what you think. they're not going stop if you don't say anything. ok lang yan, lalake lang yan. XD (look who's talking. =p)
we all get pissy over school, don't worry. grad na. =D
as for the rest...gah, who cares what the world thinks. you're ria eh. you like frogs and turtles and molesting people and bumming around in front of the pc. ano ngayon? cool nga eh. XD don't look at it from others' POVs too much. iba sila eh.
the world IS screwed, but think of it this way: people have more screwed up lives than all of us in the ROW put together. ganun talaga. up and down. look at my LJ, one minute i'm saying life is good, the next i'm ranting about how it sucks. but it isn't ALWAYS bad. =p
the future's the future. plan for it, but don't dwell on it. there's still the present to face.
you don't need to be strong for yourself. we're all here to be strong for you. you're not going through all of this shit alone, because we're your friends and that's what we're here for. if you need help, ask for it. don't hesitate. ^_^
i love you lots, ria. i don't like seeing you like this. *hug*