- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
FPJ died today. I dunno.. it's weird. I remember being so Anti-FPJ just a few months ago. Ranting everytime I saw something about the Opposition or anything about politics. And now.. he's dead. It's hard to imagine that a man you saw posted on walls, billboards, featured in commercials, sung about on the radio, is gone just like that. Makes you think. (You know, life, how fragile it is, where we all are going. The whole 'life' drill.)
Quite honestly, I feel bad about all the things I said about him when he was alive. Even though I know for a fact that not a single word I said reached him in any way. It's one thing to insult a person, it's another to insult someone when he's passed away already. But there's nothing more to be said really. Confusion. Let's leave it at that.
Anyway. We had our first day of exams today. CL, Teenstar and Physics. CL wasn't hard at all. Teenstar was a breeze, though at one point I got confused with the terminologies and some of the items about homosexuality. (Homosexuality is not irreversible because... Continue that sentence. XP) Physics is a different story. I think I got most of the questions. I know I totally bombed the problem solving though. T_T At least I was able to figure out the concept map. Semi sorta kinda figure out at least.
Then the 1st day ended. Cai, Racine and I talked with Mami Angie after our last exam, and we talked about guys. Oh maan. Haha, Lol. :P I left school at around 12pm, and went to Ever to get my Mom. We ate at Chow King, and I was able to get gifts for my friends. :) When my dad was off somewhere, my mom popped the question again:
What would you do if your dad and I divorced?
'I dunno.' Was all I could say. Thanks Mom for thinking that I'm mature enough to handle a question like that, but seriously, you don't have to tell me. What good will it do me anyway to think about it? None. So I dropped it.
Now I'm at home, in front of the PC, not studying for AP. n_n;
I got thinking again. I'm not the only person who's not used to people 'liking' them. I've gotten used to being translucent. My personality doesn't allow me to be completely transparent tho. So translucent; not ignored, not invisible, but not really noticed. So what happens when the spotlight is suddenly on you? It's nice to have someone thinking about you. To be able to comfort yourself with the idea that someone cares for you. It's nice, but I'm not used to it. :P I guess maybe that's the reason why I tend to push people away from me. The irony here is that inside, I do want someone who cares for me, but when someone does come along, I push them away. You know, friends? Why is that? Haha. Stupid. :P *toink*
I know why. It's because I'm scared. n_n; Wow. Me. Scared. There's something wrong here. :P It's like telling me that I'm sane.
Anyway, here's the trade-off I hinted in my entry title. My life has definitely changed since November. Mainly because of guys. I damn the opposite sex for locking a tornado in my heart. :P Here's the trade-off:
Would I trade the life I have now for the life I was having before?
Self+Insanity+Balance VS Guys+Confusion+Heart
(Heart will have to do, I can't think of an apporiate word. XD)