- find out what I want in life
- this moment to happen
- be a Dean's List-er
- learn how to ride a motorcycle
- go skydiving
- go scuba diving
- make my own blog layout
- learn how to use Flash
- travel more
- improve my drawing skills
- VINTAGE
- go to a Flea market
- a Tarot Card Deck
- fashion sense
- femme outfits
- witty t-shirts
- vintage clothes and accessories
- make my own clothes!
- go on a shopping spree
- contribute to WWF
- a DSLR
- bake something
- A CAR
- A CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE - an underwater camera
- cosplay again
- visit my online friends
- stop being a safeist
- happiness
Holding it Together Listening to: Drowning myself in Spongecola's Una
I'm seriously trying to hold myself together.. Just don't let it get to you, just don't let it get to you. The week is almost over.
The internet isn't working again.
I don't know if I'll last the week. Mom has been worse and worse since the weekend. Yesterday she threatened to not let me go to my friend's birthday celebration this saturday. She slapped me on the leg when she saw me talking on the phone. I've decided to avoid her at all costs until the weekend. Everything she says... it's like a blow to the soul.
I just want to get away from everything! It's as if Mom stabs me with every constricting thing she does to me. No internet, no phone... I'm just waiting for her to take my cellphone... But I'm trying to believe that she's doing it for my own good, even if it's just making me feel worse.. Dad isn't helping... and my brother doesn't make it any better either... He blackmails me with the fact that only he can restore the PC... School isn't exactly the best either.. at least my friends are there, and they make me happy... and I have the people I talk to on YM... which isn't working at the moment because my internet connection is bitching on me... It's at this moment that I want to talk to someone, but then again, I'm the kind of person who seldom admits that something is wrong.
I don't want to pass this feeling on to anyone... this feeling of sadness and hopelessness, frustration and irony, this feeling of being lost, like a child lost on a busy street. It's not a feeling you want to pass on to people you care about..